Tag Archive for: Mental Health
7 Ways Loneliness (and Connectedness) Affect Mental Health
Loneliness is finally starting to get at least some of the attention it deserves—we may not be as “on it” as other countries, like the U.K. with its Minister for Loneliness, but we’re getting there. Like the push to dissolve the stigma around mental health issues, there’s been a similar increase in people’s honesty about their social connection, or lack thereof. And it turns out that people are pretty lonely these days. The percentage of people saying they have few or no confidants has risen precipitously in recent years. So if you’re feeling lonely, you’re…well, not alone.
As the research shows just how important social connection is for our health and mental health, and how detrimental loneliness can be, the value of speaking out—and changing our habits—becomes all the more clear. Here are some of the ways in which loneliness hurts us and social connectivity helps us, psychologically and physiologically.
Loneliness is contagious
A fascinating study looked at how loneliness is present in communities, and found that it spreads through a contagious process in which people seemed to “catch” loneliness from one another. As people became lonelier, they moved to the edges of social networks, creating a kind of domino effect. For instance, when one person reported an increase of one day per week of loneliness, his or her close friends also reported an increase. As the authors write, “efforts to reduce loneliness in society may benefit by aggressively targeting the people in the periphery to help repair their social networks and to create a protective barrier against loneliness that can keep the whole network from unraveling.”
Other work has shown that people who become lonelier over time also begin to trust others less, which creates a vicious cycle of loneliness and social isolation. These types of studies suggest that social connection is precarious, and vulnerable to different forces, making it all the more important to do what we can to keep our networks together and oneself involved.
Ten Tips to Help You Feel Happier
Happiness is an elusive concept, we all want it but not many of us can define what it actually is and even fewer how to get it.
Unfortunately, a lot of us fall into the trap of the ‘I will be happy when’mentality. It’s an easy fix supported by our own psychology and propagated by the modern world. You end up thinking; ‘I will be happy when I have lost 10kg’s’, ‘I will be happy when I find a partner’, ‘I will be happy when I get that new car’ and so on. The difficulty is that you will be happy briefly, or at least you think you will. But this feeling won’t last long and then you will be onto the next thing that you believe you need to feel happy.
Now, don’t get me wrong, being healthier and finding positive relationships are good goals, but when you anchor your entire life onto the ‘i’ll be happy when’ philosophy you will always be left wanting more and the happiness you seek will likely remain elusive.
I am not promising that trying the following tips will immediately fix everything, but remember that you are the author, editor and viewer of your own life. You choose what you do from day to day. You filter experiences based on what you expect to see and you choose what you focus on and remember. So maybe just try some of these and see how you feel, who knows it could really make a difference, they have to me over the years.
- Try something new.
Now this doesn’t have to be big, in fact it can be tiny and in any aspect of your life. Try a new route from work and see what different sights there are, or people you meet. Maybe it will simply turn out to be quicker. Try a new restaurant, try a new activity. Go big and visit a country you have never been to before, go brave and ask that person out, or end a toxic relationship. Novelty can help reinvigorate you, it can give you new perspectives, new experiences. You may meet new people, who in turn give you new ideas. It can give you new things to consider and talk about. Maybe just try one new thing a month and see what changes.
- Start Small
This is really important, people often make the mistake of trying to change everything at once. You set yourself giant targets and when you don’t achieve them in a month you start giving up and feel like you have failed. Instead focus on the tiny wins. If you want to lose weight, don’t think “I want to lose 2 stone”, start some exercise and if you feel a bit better then thats your target. Maybe your clothes feel a bit looser or you have little bit more energy. There is nothing wrong with big bold targets, but don’t measure your progress by it. Instead, break it into smaller goals and celebrate when you achieve them (perhaps not with a cheesecake though).
- Count the Good Things
Try this experiment with a friend, when you are somewhere you haven’t been before, ask them to look around and memorize everything that is red. Once they have done that, ask them to close their eyes and list all the things around them that are blue. A lot of people will struggle because they simply haven’t paid attention or focussed on the blue things around them. This is how our minds work. Very simply, we see what we expect to see and remember based on our preconceptions, your mind filters to make it more efficient. Now this is great from a survival perspective however it can cause problems. If we expect to have a bad day we will unconsciously only look for the things that confirm this. If we think we are unlucky we will look for things that prove our bad luck streak. Instead try something very simple, everyday before you go to sleep, think through your day and focus on five good things that have happened. They could be anything from ‘a nice walk in the sunshine’ to ‘meeting someone new’. There are always at least five events you can find that haven’t been awful or disastrous. Try this for a while and you may be surprised how it starts to change your mindset. You will start to look for more and more of the good and likely feel more positive.
- Say no….and yes more
This might sound like contradictory advice, but a lot of us spend a significant amount of time trying to second guess what other people want us to do. We try and make decisions on their wants and needs. We might do this for lots of reasons; we care for them, love them, live with them, dislike them and so on. Instead I want you to make decisions about how you feel and what you want. Have the confidence to say no to things you don’t want to do and yes to things that you do want to do. You may have avoided things in the past as you are worried that friends and family might judge you or it might change their view of you, but it’s not their life! It’s not about being selfish, just recognising that to be a good friend to others you need to first look after yourself and that you are entitled to do what makes you happy.
- Read a Book
In a world of social media and access to non-stop entertainment, books have sometimes fallen out of favour. Books give you a window into a different world or another persons life, a glimpse into history, they stimulate your imagination and mind. The focus required to read without distractions is sometimes considered a form of meditation; you can’t half read like you do with some TV programmes, it requires all of your attention. Books have the time to be more descriptive and delve deeper, ask questions that mass media are unwilling to, they can put you in the shoes of another world changing your perspective on life. Books have literally changed the course of history so why not give one a go.
- Stop and Meditate
We spend so much time running around thinking about work, family, friends worrying about what we have to do next, dwelling on something we did last week, rarely just stopping and taking in where we are and how we feel right now. Meditation can be practiced in many forms and its worth learning more about it. Essentially though, meditation asks you to focus on the moment you are in now, your place within it and the internal feelings and thoughts going on at that moment. Acknowledge them and then work to find stillness and quietness. Learn to slow down and quieten your mind to stop if from jumping from thought to thought like a over excited animal. Simply give yourself 5 minutes a few times in your day to just stop and look around you, admire the view and really take it in. Ask yourself, where are you now and how do you actually feel?
- Exercise
In anything, anywhere and anytime, just do it. Stop worrying about what to do and stop giving yourself the excuse that you have no time. Everyone has 10 minutes to take a brisk walk even if it’s to pick up the kids, 20 minutes for a run, 15 minutes for some Yoga, weights or just some stretching in your living room before you crash in front of the TV. The physical and psychological benefits of exercise are documented on an almost daily basis and finding information could not be easier online. Just start, today, you will not regret it.
- Think about your Food
Like with little changes you don’t have to stop eating all your favourite foods (pizza) immediately but perhaps just cut down on some of the worst offenders. You know what they are. Fast food, packaged cheap food full of salt and sugar. Reduce your meat intake for the sake of your own gut and the environment, eat…….some…….greens. It really isn’t rocket science, you just have to eat a balanced diet, there is so much information online and healthy food isn’t that expensive anymore. Now I know this is difficult when you don’t have time or money to cook, but a bag of salad is instant and chicken takes 10 mins to cook. Like above, focus on little changes that you can maintain and see how you feel after a few weeks. It should be no surprise that the food you put into your body can dramatically affect your internal state.
- Give
“No-one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another” Charles Dickens
Giving money is great and I applaud you for doing it, but also try and give your time. Stop and talk to people and really listen to them. Volunteer for something nearby. Your time is the most precious resource you have, far greater than money, and spending it to help others is an amazing way to improve the world around you and you will be surprised how good it makes you feel. Give to charity, help others, give anything you can and as much or as little as you want to. There are always people more and less fortunate than you, don’t judge or compare just give.
- Spend time with your Friends and Family
There have been numerous surveys over the years conducted with terminally ill patients each one asking them about the meaning of their life, what made them happy and what they wished they could change about how they lived their lives. With each study there are some things that just keep coming up. For a start “I wish I worked more” is never in the list and almost always at the top is wishing they had spent more time with their friends and family. Good relationships are believed to even lengthen your life and none of us can get through this alone.
Remember though people come and go into your life, don’t be afraid to make new friends or say goodbye to toxic relationships. Never worry about calling that friend or relative you haven’t spoken to for years. They are just like you and will be busy with their lives and wondering if they should call you. Always try and make time for a coffee or beer or just a chat with your friends and family, they are literally the anchors of your life. They reflect who you are and how you live your life and are the ones standing with you in your time of need and you in theirs.
One more thing before you go, another common theme from these studies is patients often comment how they wished they had lived true to themselves and had the bravery to live their lives as they wanted to and not how they thought others wanted them to.
So here is a little experiment to leave you with, in Australia, the life expectancy is just over 82 years which is actually only 718,320 hours, this really doesn’t sound like much does it? But it gets more powerful when you divide that by three. A third for sleep and at least a third for work leaving you with less than 240,000 hours of free time…..then subtract how ever many years you have lived.
Life is genuinely very short and you should strive to live your own life and as positively as possible.
“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present” – Jim Rohn
https://www.pickthebrain.com/
Self-Help Techniques For Coping With Mental Illness
Living with mental illness is not easy. It’s a consistent problem without a clear solution. While treatments like medication and psychotherapy are incredibly helpful, sometimes people experiencing mental health conditions need to do more day-in and day-out to feel good or even just okay.
Some common self-help suggestions people receive are to exercise, meditate and be more present, which are helpful and work for many people. However, other proven methods aren’t mentioned as often. Many of them are quick and simple techniques that can easily be added to daily routines.
Finding the right coping mechanism takes time and patience, but it can enormously impact how you feel. If you haven’t had success with techniques you’ve tried, or you’re looking to add a few more to your toolkit, here are seven coping mechanisms recommended by mental health professionals worth trying out.
Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance is “completely and totally accepting something from the depths of your soul, with your heart and your mind,” according to Marsha Linehan (creator of dialectal behavior therapy). Included in this definition is the idea that no matter what, you cannot change a situation. For example, imagine a tornado is coming your way. Obviously, you can’t do anything to stop the tornado; that’s not possible. But if you accept the fact that it’s coming, then you can act, prepare and keep yourself safe. If you sit around trying to will the tornado to stop or pretend that there is no tornado, you’re going to be in real trouble when it comes.
The same applies to mental illness. You cannot change the fact that you have a mental illness, so any time you spend trying to “get rid of it” or pretend it doesn’t exist is only draining you of valuable energy. Accept yourself. Accept your condition. Then take the necessary steps to take care of yourself.
Deep Breathing
Breathing is an annoying cliché at this point, but that’s because the best way to calm anxiety really is to breathe deeply. When battling my own anxiety, I turned to the concept of “5 3 7” breathing:
- Breathe in for 5 seconds
- Hold the breath for 3 seconds
- Breathe out for 7 seconds
This gentle repetition sends a message to the brain that everything is okay (or it will be soon). Before long, your heart will slow its pace and you will begin to relax—sometimes without even realizing it.
Opposite-To-Emotion Thinking
Opposite-to-emotion thinking is how it sounds: You act in the opposite way your emotions tell you to act. Say you’re feeling upset and you have the urge to isolate. Opposite-to-emotion tells you to go out and be around people—the opposite action of isolation. When you feel anxious, combat that with something calming like meditation. When you feel manic, turn to something that stabilizes you. This technique is probably one of the hardest to put into play, but if you can manage it, the results are incredible.
The 5 Senses
Another effective way to use your physical space to ground you through a crisis is by employing a technique called “The 5 Senses.” Instead of focusing on a specific object, with “The 5 Senses” you run through what each of your senses is experiencing in that moment. As an example, imagine a PTSD flashback comes on in the middle of class. Stop! Look around you. See the movement of a clock’s hands. Feel the chair beneath you. Listen to your teacher’s voice. Smell the faint aroma of the chalkboard. Chew a piece of gum.
Running through your senses will take only a few seconds and will help keep you present and focused on what is real, on what is happening right now.
Mental Reframing
Mental reframing involves taking an emotion or stressor and thinking of it in a different way. Take, for example, getting stuck in traffic. Sure, you could think to yourself, “Wow, my life is horrible. I’m going to be late because of this traffic. Why does this always happen to me?”
Or you can reframe that thought, which might look something like, “This traffic is bad, but I’ll still get to where I’m going. There’s nothing I can do about it, so I’ll just listen to music or an audiobook to pass the time.” Perfecting this technique can literally change your perspective in tough situations. But as you might imagine, this skill takes time and practice.
Emotion Awareness
If you live in denial of your emotions, it will take far longer to take care of them, because once we recognize what we’re feeling, we can tackle it or whatever is causing it. So, if you’re feeling anxious, let yourself be anxious for a couple of minutes—then meditate. If you’re feeling angry, let yourself be angry—then listen to some calming music. Be in touch with your emotions. Accept that you are feeling a certain way, let yourself feel that way and then take action to diminish unhealthy feelings.
You can’t control that you have mental illness, but you can control how you respond to your symptoms. This is not simple or easy (like everything else with mental illness), but learning, practicing and perfecting coping techniques can help you feel better emotionally, spiritually and physically. I’ve tried all the above techniques, and they have transformed the way I cope with my mental health struggles.
It takes strength and persistence to recover from mental illness—to keep fighting symptoms in the hopes of feeling better. Even if you feel weak or powerless against the battles you face every day, you are incredibly strong for living through them. Practical and simple methods can help you in your fight. Take these techniques into consideration, and there will be a clear change in the way you feel and live your life.
Emmie Pombo is a student striving to crush mental illness and addiction stigma. She also advocates for the people who haven’t yet spoken honestly about their struggles. Rooted in Florida, Emmie hopes to eventually diminish any lies surrounding the treatable mental disorders that are becoming more and more prevalent throughout the world.
https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/March-2018/Self-Help-Techniques-for-Coping-with-Mental-Illnes
Do Violent Video Games Make Kids More Violent?
from Psychology Today
If you know a tween, teenager or avid gamer, you have probably heard about the latest video game phenomenon: Fortnite. In the game’s Battle Royale mode, up to 100 players parachute into a small island, scavenge for armor and weapons, and then kill or hide from other players in an attempt to be the lone survivor. The game’s cartoonish violence and quirky features–including costumes and custom dance moves–have attracted more than 125 million players across all the globe since its release last September.
While not overly gory, the premise for Fortnite is inherently violent; the primary goal is to kill other players. The popularity of these types of games, and this one in particular, raises clear questions about the effects of violent gaming. Specifically, do violent video games lead to real-life violence?
The research on this question is mixed. For decades, researchers have conducted studies to find out whether violent video games lead to problems such as aggression, lack of empathy and poor performance in school. Many studies have found that people who play violent video games are more likely to engage in aggressive behavior. In fact, there was enough researchleading to this conclusion that the American Psychiatric Association (APA) published a policy statement in 2015 concluding that playing violent video games leads to more aggressive moods and behaviors and detracts from the players’ feeling of empathy and sensitivity to aggression.
But a large contingent of researchers focused on pediatric and adolescencehealth disagree. In fact, a group of 230 scholars from universities across the globe published an open letter in 2013 calling the APA’s stance of violent video games “misleading and alarmist.” And many of those same scholars spoke out after the 2015 policy statement.
Last summer, a division within the APA focused on the media published their own statement advising government officials and the news media to avoid attributing acts of violence to video games or other violent media. Here’s why:
- Large analyses of violent crime and video violent game use find no evidence that increased sales of violent video games leads to a spike in violent crimes. Researchers make the case that if violent games directly led to violent behavior, the data would show increases in violent crime on a large-scale as more people played violent games. In fact, there is some evidence that as more youth play video games, rates of youth violence have decreased.
- A recent analysis finds that research on video games is prone to false positives and false negatives, which leads to faulty conclusions.
- Another review finds that much of the research on violence and video games is affected by publication bias; essentially, studies that concluded that video games lead to aggression and violence are more likely to be published than studies that find violent video games don’t have an effect on violence. As a result, large reviews of the data conclude violent video games lead to aggression without considering research to the contrary.
- There is emerging research that finds no link between violent games and negative outcomes, such as reduced empathy, aggression and depression.
That’s a lot of conflicting perspectives, so what’s the take-home message here? First, there is not solid, irrefutable evidence that violent video games lead to aggressive behavior. That does not mean that every game is for every child. Certainly, many violent video games are scary and inappropriate for some kids. Understanding each child’s needs and creating a plan that sets out rules for media use and monitors kids’ activities on screens is a sensible way to approach video games.
Please visit Cornell University’s Bronfenbrenner Center for Translational Research’s website for more information on our work solving human problems.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evidence-based-living/201807/do-violent-video-games-make-kids-more-violent
The Wounds of Childhood Can Be Healed
When many of us think of childhood, we imagine happy, carefree times. Tender feelings of safe, loving relationships with parents and grandparents are often remembered. Those of us who are parents ourselves know there is nothing more precious than the birth of a child and the dreams associated with watching that child grow and thrive into adulthood.
Adults also know that growing up can be painful. The wounds of childhood can persist throughout life, embodied in every muscle and organ of our bodies. Children experience trauma in similar ways as adults, including from abuse, poverty, war, injury, or other adverse events. But there is more to trauma than meets the eye.
There are subtle, often invisible, ways children suffer from trauma, the most common being the loss of human connection. Relational trauma can be experienced by children who feel misunderstood, inferior, unaccepted, emotionally neglected, or socially disconnected. These feelings damage children’s emotional health.
Today, college freshmen rate their emotional health compared to others their age at 50.7%, the lowest level ever (Eagan, et al, 2014). Numerous studies have highlighted the declining emotional health of U.S. students, including a steady rise in anxiety, depression, and mental illness (Pryor, et al., 2010; Douce & Keeling, 2014). While these statistics are a cause for concern, the good news is that researchers are beginning to better understand the links between poor mental health, relational trauma, and the brain. As a result, therapies are improving.
In recent years, neuroscientists and psychologists have studied various types of trauma and its effects on children. We know, for example, that when children experience trauma, their growth and development is disrupted. To heal and move forward, research shows that the brain must be stimulated in fresh, creative ways. More than ever, a child needs support from adults who can authentically and respectfully interact with them.
In a groundbreaking new book, Relational and Body-Centered Practices for Healing Trauma: Lifting the Burdens of the Past,psychologist Sharon Stanley, PhD, demonstrates the importance of sharing traumatic experiences in the presence of those who can see, hear, and feel the many ways our bodies communicate truth. Written primarily for helping professionals, this book also reminds us of the significant role parents, teachers, and mentors play in helping children heal from adverse events or relational trauma. In fact, the neuroscienceresearch and practices that Stanley shares should be at the heart of every healthy adult-child relationship. Gleaned from her book are three important ways all adults can become healers for the children in their lives.
3 Ways to Help Children Heal from Traumatic Life Experiences
- Promote Embodied AwarenessBe willing to listen and respect the embodied and subjective experience that each child holds to be true. What does this mean? Neuroscience research shows that every traumatic experience is felt in the human body. When children become aware of their bodies, that awareness communicates important information to their brain. The brain, in turn, makes corrective changes and restores healthy functioning.A simple shift in conversation can help children become more aware of their bodies. For example, instead of simply asking, “How do you feel?” you might ask, “How and where do you feel that (fear, anger, sadness) in your body?” When children become accustomed to connecting their feelings with bodily sensations, they achieve embodied awareness. “Aided by embodied awareness,” says Stanley, “we can look more closely, hear more accurately, and feel more actively in the moment, a mindfulness that can shift habitual autonomic fixed patterns from trauma.”
- Create Meaningful RitualsThroughout history, humans have recovered from trauma by coming together to honor struggle and the power of transformation. Unfortunately, ritual and ceremony have all but disappeared in many of today’s Western cultures. Based on years of research with indigenous peoples, Stanley points out the powerful brain-body connections that are made through ritual and how those connections are essential to healing trauma.We can help children recover from painful events and hurtful relationships by working with them to create meaningful rituals. Again, body-based activities should be front and center, engaging the right hemisphere of the brain to connect to a child’s subjective way of knowing. Integration of the arts, music, contemplative practices, and dance, says Stanley, can transform the chaos of trauma into relational resources for growth.
The goal of rituals is to create human connections. When parents and teachers create safe spaces for children to express themselves, explore their feelings, and become aware of the sensations in their bodies, children feel what it means to be human. Stanley suggests that ceremony changes the brain in ways that convert fear to love, facilitating growth and development.
- Connect through Somatic EmpathyMuch has been written about the power of empathy. What Stanley does exceedingly well in her book is to differentiate what we often understand as “cognitive empathy,” an attempt to understand what others think, from “somatic empathy,” an ability to feel what others feel. The former is a left-brain activity; the latter is right-brained.According to Stanley, “Somatic empathy communicates to people suffering from trauma that they are seen, felt, and understood just as they are, allowing them to feel felt.” Parents, teachers, and all caring adults have the ability to help children heal through our interactions with them and through our mindful attention to their body-based cues.
For example, when a child aches in his stomach, feels tension in her jaw, or experiences tight sensations in his chest, we can help that child more consciously connect these sensations to a deeper self-knowing. We do this through authentic listening and a sense of respect for how a child feels and experiences those feelings in his or her body. We are consciously present, helping children reflect and gain embodied self-awareness.
Through compassionate relationships based in somatic empathy, a child’s brain changes in ways that repair the effects of trauma.
Seeking Help when Youth Experience Trauma
The three practices listed above are everyday ways all adults can nurture deep connections with children and teenagers and help them heal from trauma. But often, children need the help of experienced psychological professionals to overcome adverse events and relational trauma in their lives. The good news is that neurobiological research with somatic, embodied healing practices is breaking new ground each year.
Stanley has trained hundreds of practitioners for over a decade in what she calls “somatic transformation.” For helping professionals who want to understand the neurobiological underpinnings of trauma and new ways to work with those affected by trauma, I highly recommend Stanley’s book, based on the most recent research and transformative practices available.
As parents and teachers, we must all become more aware of the subtle cues of relational trauma in our children and in ourselves. Through numerous case studies, Stanley demonstrates that it is never too late to heal the wounds of our own childhoods through body-based somatic healing. When we heal ourselves, we have greater capacity to be in authentic empathy-based relationships with our children.
References
Douce, L.A, & Keeling, R.P. (2014) A strategic primer on college student mental health. (Washington DC: American Council on Education).
K. Eagan, et al., (2014) The American Freshman: National Norms Fall 2014(Los Angeles: CA: Higher Education Research Institute, UCLA, 2014)
J.H. Pryor, et al., (2010) The American Freshman: National Norms Fall 2010(Los Angeles, CA: Higher Education Research Institute, UCLA, 2010).
S. Stanley, (2016) Relational and Body-Centered Practices for Healing Trauma: Lifting the Burdens of the Past (New York: Routledge).
Author
Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD, is the author of Tomorrow’s Change Makers: Reclaiming the Power of Citizenship for a New Generation. A developmental psychologist and researcher, she works at the intersection of positive youth development and education.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-moment-youth/201605/the-wounds-childhood-can-be-healed
How to Control Your Emotions When They Are Out of Control
from Psychology Today
We’ve all been there: We’re freaking out about something that just happened to us — what someone did to us, said to us, or didn’t do for us. And we’re pissed or terrified, or defeated — our emotions have become overpowering. What do we do now to get our emotions under control when they’ve already gotten completely out of control?
There are tons of ways to better manage our emotions in the long run — for example, we can develop positive thinking skills, reappraisal skills, and resiliency, but these skills require effortful practice over long periods of time. Sure, learning these skills is a great idea, but maybe you’re just not sure what to do (take this well-being quiz to figure out what skills to focus on), or you just haven’t gotten to it yet. So what do we do right now to control our already out-of-control emotions? Here are some science-based tips:
1. Cut off the negative thought spirals.
When bad things happen, sometimes we get stuck ruminating about these events, thinking about what happened — or could have happened — over and over. Often it’s these ruminative thought cycles that drive our emotions up, and not the actual event itself. So to control these emotions, we usually just need to stop having the thoughts that are creating them. Of course, that’s easier said than done.
One strategy is to play “I Spy.” It might seem silly, but naming different objects you see around the room can help you redirect your thoughts to other more mundane things, so that your emotions can get a rest and start to calm down. Another strategy to redirect your thoughts is to get up, do something, or change your surroundings — for example, you could excuse yourself to go to the restroom, or if the situation allows, go for a short walk. This approach helps give you a moment to reset and take your thoughts in a new direction.
2. Take deep breaths.
“Take a deep breath” might seem like a simple platitude, but it actually activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calm high-arousal negative emotions, like anxiety or anger. So breathing deeply is key when it comes to managing our more challenging emotions.
Because the brain has a harder time making good, rational decisions when emotions are in the driver’s seat, we are also likely to make better decisions if we take a few deep breaths first. So when emotions start to feel overwhelming, pause. Take a couple of deep breaths, and bring those intense emotions down a bit so you can carefully choose what to do next.
3. Generate some positive emotions.
Once you’ve calmed down somewhat, and you’re thinking clearly again, it’s helpful to try to infuse some positive emotions into the situation to help beat back those negative feelings. One way to do this is to look for the silver linings in whatever it is that’s bothering you. For example, did your boss tell you that you must redo the work you just did? A silver lining might be that this experience will help you become better at your job in the future. Or, are you upset about something your romantic partner did? This might be an opportunity to improve your communication skills and advocate for your needs in your relationship. It’s not always easy to find a silver lining, but if you can, it’s a good way to generate positive emotions.
Another way to infuse some positive emotions into the moment is with a funny video or inspiring photo. These little, positive things can help deflate even the most intense negative emotions. So if you’re feeling really down, do something that generates a little happiness, so you can start getting back to your normal self.
4. Practice acceptance.
It can seem counterintuitive to accept the things that are bothering us, but indeed, it is good advice to “accept the things you cannot change” when you want to control your emotions. No matter how upset we get, our emotions can’t change things that are unchangeable. So ask yourself: What part of this situation is unchangeable? Remind yourself to accept those things and focus your effort on the things you can change for the better.
5. Quit the coffees and soft drinks.
Caffeine gives us energy. Of course, energy is good, but caffeine can end up producing nervous energy — energy that feels very similar to feelings of anxiety or panic. So if you’re feeling extra anxious, and you can’t figure out what’s causing it, it might just be the caffeine.
If you’re already feeling stressed about something, caffeine can exacerbate these emotions, in part because caffeine can negatively affect your sleep. When we don’t sleep well, we don’t manage our emotions as well, so our feelings can get out of control more easily. So limiting caffeine is another good way to keep those emotions in check.
6. Get your heart rate up with exercise.
If you’re still feeling all riled up and can’t seem to get a handle on your negative emotions, try exercise, because it turns out that exercise is an effective way to boost your mood. Do a few sprints, lift some heavy weights, or do some other activity that gets your heart rate up, because the higher the intensity of the workout, the greater the impact on your mood. The physiological changes that happen in your body make exercise a great solution for intense emotions that you’re having a hard time handling with other strategies.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201810/how-control-your-emotions-when-they-are-out-control
How to Be Happy: 23 Ways to Be Happier
People often ask me: “What can I do to boost my happiness?”
I tell them that there are tons of things you can do, but then I can only recall a handful of practices in the moment. So I decided to create this complete guide for how to be happy, according to science. If you use these 23 practices consistently, you are very likely to increase your personal happiness:
1. Find out what to do first.
How are you supposed to build the right happiness skills if you don’t know which ones you are struggling with in the first place? This is why it’s helpful to take a quiz to explore your happiness strengths and weaknesses. Get a better understanding of what these skills are all about, and learn how to improve upon your weaknesses and build your “happiness strengths.”
2. Give yourself a confidence boost.
Why would you bother increasing your happiness if you didn’t think you could be successful at it? You wouldn’t. That’s why it’s so important to build your self-efficacy — to prove to yourself that you can increase your happiness. The best way to do this is by starting with easier skills — skills like gratitude or prioritizing spending time doing fun things. Get a quick win, and you’ll be more confident that you really can change your life.
3. Fuel your progress by learning how to feel better about yourself.
You wouldn’t practice math to get better at cooking. And you wouldn’t learn another language to lose weight. To be happier, you’ll likely make more progress by focusing on the skills that are most closely linked to happiness. In my research, the skill that usually turns out to be most closely linked to happiness is: positive self-views. Learning how to feel better about yourself — for example, by imagining your best possible self, noting your positive qualities, or identifying your strengths — can go a long way to increasing your happiness.
4. Create balance and overcome burnout.
How are you supposed to have the energy to be happier if you’re exhausted and miserable from work? It will be really hard. Building new skills, skills that will help you be happier, will take time and energy. So it’s helpful first to create better work-life balance.
5. Build a growth mindset for happiness.
A growth mindset refers to the belief that we can change ourselves. When we build a growth mindset for happiness, we believe we can change our happiness. This is super important, because if we don’t believe we canincrease our happiness, we won’t even bother to try.
6. Make positive memories.
Every region in our brains can be strengthened through practice. If our brains are really good at remembering negative things that happen, it can be useful to strengthen the regions of the brain responsible for remembering positive things.
7. Find those silver linings.
Everything we experience can be a bummer if we choose to see it that way. But when you search for the benefits or silver linings in your life, you may be surprised to discover a lot of good. Keep practicing to increase the positive and decrease the negative to cultivate happiness. Also, this skill has been linked to a better ability to cope with stressand be more resilient.
8. Take breaks from social media.
Facebook tends to have a negative effect on our happiness. By choosing to take breaks from Facebook — or changing the way we use social media — we can boost our happiness.
9. Spend smarter for more happiness.
How we choose to spend our money impacts what we can do and how we live in ways that impact how happy we are. When we choose a less fancy house or car — things that don’t bring us much happiness — we have more money to spend on adventures or on gifts for friends: things that actually do make us happier.
10. Communicate kindly.
When we are kind to others, we feel better about ourselves. We can do nice things for others, be empathetic, or we can just treat each other with respect, communicating kindly rather than assuming the worst.
11. End your negative patterns of thinking.
Let’s face it: Sometimes we are what’s making us miserable. We just can’t stop thinking about how so-and-so wronged us, or how our life didn’t turn out as we hoped. Negative thought processes — like worrying, ruminating, self-judgment, and fearing rejection — just keep us miserable and unable to move forward. When you find yourself thinking negatively, pause and refocus your thoughts. In time, your brain will be able to do this more easily on its own.
12. Find clarity.
How are you supposed to move your life forward when you don’t even know what you feel or why you feel it? To become happier, try to gain clarity on your emotions; find out what you’re feeling and what caused those feelings.
13. Live your values.
When you start to explore yourself and your values, you may discover that you’ve known all along what would make you happy, but you’re just not doing it. To be happier, get clear on your values, so that you can live your life autonomously, according to your own principles and values.
14. Pay attention to the good.
Sure, sometimes life is hard. But by paying attention to the good, you can rise above it and be more resilient. When you find the good, savor the moment, and bring it with you to maintain happiness even during hard times. Or try thinking about a time in the future when you’ll feel better.
15. Use your imagination to create the life you seek.
Did you know that your brain has a difficult time differentiating between things that happen in your imagination and things that happen in real life? So when you imagine something — even happiness — your brain acts as if it’s real. We can use imagination to help create happiness out of thin air and enjoy our experiences more.
16. Stay mindful.
Sometimes we want to escape. The world seems dark and scary, but by practicing mindfulness we experience more fully both the positive and the negative — we are more fully engaged in our lives.
17. Explore what happiness means to you.
We all define happiness in different ways. When you know what happiness means to you, you’ll have an easier time finding it. So explore happiness — what it means, what it looks like, and what it feels like — to more easily create it.
18. Go after life.
How are you supposed to change your life by doing the same things you’ve always done? It’s pretty tough. Instead, push yourself to overcome fearand approach life with enthusiasm. Try “doing the opposite” to see how it feels and to make your brain more flexible.
19. Speak up and be yourself.
When we let people walk all over us, we’re unhappy. But when we advocate for our own needs assertively and express ourselves, we feel more in control of our lives. Learning how to express yourself can help you overcome interpersonal challenges, which can make you unhappy.
20. Find your purpose.
We all want to feel like we made some sort of positive impact in this world, but sometimes we are uncertain of the type of impact we want to make. Explore exactly what gives you a sense of purpose and how you want to pursue this purpose to give your life a greater sense of meaning.
21. Build meaningful connections.
Did you know we enjoy just about everything more when we do it with others? This is why one of the best things you can do for your happiness is to build meaningful relationships and social connections. To strengthen these relationships, practice kindness and gratitude towards the people you care about.
22. Get off the hedonic treadmill.
The “hedonic treadmill” refers to the tendency for us to return to our original happiness level over time. To boost your baseline-level happiness, you can try changing your physiology through nutrition and exercise. To maintain your happiness, you have to get out of your comfort zone and keep adding variety to your happiness plan.
23. Hold yourself accountable.
We are more likely to do the things we say we’re going to do if we schedule time in our calendars to do them. We can also more easily stay on track if we get accountability from others. So if you really want to be happier, don’t let yourself get away with being unhappy.
In sum, you can be happier. It’s just a matter of building the right “happiness skills.” If you need help putting this all together, check out myHappiness Program at berkeleywellbeing.com.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201801/how-be-happy-23-ways-be-happier?collection=1122324
A Parent’s Guide To Mental Health For College Students
Talking with parents is something I rarely did when I began my job as a college psychiatrist twenty-five years ago. However, in response to students coming to my office with more complex problems and severe symptoms, I have tried to get parents involved with the hope of strengthening the student’s support system.
Before I call their parents, I have the student sign a release of information form. Then, I usually put their parents on speaker phone with the student in the room. I say something like:
“I recommend your daughter take antidepressants, but she thought you would be against this. I wanted to include you in the discussion as I think it’s important that she start medication, since her depression is making it hard for her to complete her school work. Let’s discuss your concerns and review the risks and benefits of medication.”
Or,
“Your son has been feeling overwhelmed by school and has stopped going to class. Sometimes he has thoughts of hurting himself. We are trying to decide if he should go home or enter the hospital. We wanted your feedback about what you think is best.”
Nowadays, I find myself having more conversations like these with the parents of my patients. While the college years have always been a time when mental health problems can emerge, the problems have escalated in the last seven years according to data from the American College Health Association (ACHA) survey. In the ACHA 2011 National College Health Assessment survey, 21% of college students were diagnosed with at least one mental health disorder, including 12% with anxiety and 11% with depression. By comparison the 2018 survey found 30% of college students were diagnosed with at least one mental health disorder in the last year, including 22% with anxiety and 18% with depression. This shows a significant increase and the need for more support for students, especially during times of increased stress.
So, what specific actions can parents take in the face of rising mental health problems? Can they teach their children coping skills to deal with extreme academic pressure? How do they recognize the difference between a sad mood and depression? Would they know what to say or do if their child expressed suicidal thoughts?
I answer these and other questions in my book, The Campus Cure: A Parent’s Guide to Mental Health and Wellness for College Students. The twelve chapters cover conditions like depression, anxiety, substance abuse and eating disorders; pressures like loneliness, perfectionism, cultural challenges and financial stress; and crises including suicidality, sexual assault and psychosis.
Each chapter tells the story of how a parent helped navigate their child’s journey of recovery. This book is my way of offering hope to parents who often feel overwhelmed and alone when their child struggles. It mentions NAMI and other groups that provide support and guidance to families.
Here are a few tips from the book for parents to prevent, respond to and treat common campus challenges. Remember the five Ts: Tell, Test, Teach, Talk, Take Action.
1. Tell Your Child They Can Come To You With Any Problem.
Your child may avoid sharing problems with you because they think they should be independent or they worry about burdening you. Explain that you can handle any problem they present to you. They can come to you day or night.
2. Test Their Academic Health By Checking Their End Of Semester Grades.
At the start of college, request your child sign a FERPA waiver form allowing you to view grades. I have seen students not tell parents that they are doing poorly or failing, thinking they should be able to solve academic problems on their own. When their grades continue to slide, they could develop symptoms of depression and anxiety. If you’re aware of their academic struggles early on, you can link your child to campus resources like advisors, tutors, professors, success coaches and therapists.
3. Teach Them How To Recognize Depression And Anxiety.
While many parents talk with their children about preventing drug abuse and sexual assault, they rarely educate them about depression and anxiety. You can teach your child the warning signs and that these are common and treatable conditions. With this knowledge, they may seek help more quickly.
4. Talk With Them More Often Or Visit If They Are In Distress.
Some students will inform their parents that they are in distress and ask for help, while other students won’t tell parents until the situation is more serious. Keep in touch by Skype or Facetime or another app, so you can both see their face and hear their voice. Make sure you visit your child in the fall of freshman year either at parents’ weekend or another time, since the first semester of college is a time of high stress. Ask about friends and how they like their classes. If they tell you they are in distress or if you suspect it, encourage them to speak with a counselor. You can also call more often or visit if you are concerned. A visit can provide them enough support to work through a problem and continue to keep up with schoolwork.
5. Take Action If Your Student Is Experiencing High-Risk Mental Health Concerns.
If your child is experiencing severe symptoms of mental illness such as suicidal thoughts or psychosis, it’s essential to ensure they’re actively engaged in treatment. Request they sign a release of information form allowing you to speak with their mental health provider. If you feel your child’s safety is at immediate risk, contact campus police, administration and mental health services.
I am grateful to the parents of the patients I have worked with over the years who have heroically stepped up when their child needed help. My wish is that the stories told in The Campus Curewill offer other parents the hope and skills to help their child’s recovery.
Marcia Morris, M.D. is the author of The Campus Cure: A Parent’s Guide to Mental Health and Wellness for College Students. She is an Associate Professor of Psychiatry and Associate Program Director for Student Health Psychiatry at the University of Florida. Her college parenting blog appears in Psychology Today.
https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/December-2018/A-Parent-s-Guide-to-Mental-Health-for-College-Students
The Life Vest of Support
One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling like you’re all alone. Feeling like nobody could possibly understand what you’re going through or identify with the deep, drowning pain you feel. Throughout my life and journey with mental illness, I’ve felt this way more times than I’d like to admit. With help from my mom, friends, therapy, medication and working in the mental health field, I’ve always managed to come out of those dark moments and even help others who’ve felt the same.
When my father died by suicide last year, I was thrown into a new kind of deep pain. I had helped countless others over the years who had experienced suicidal ideation or lost loved ones to suicide, but actually going through it myself left me feeling confused and unsupported. I’ve heard that mental illness is “not a greeting card illness,” and I think that rings true for suicide survivors as well. There is no card in existence offering condolences to family members who lose someone to suicide.
Fortunately, at the time of my father’s death, I was working for NAMI and my coworkers and supervisors throughout the organization offered empathy and compassion. I imagine others don’t experience such understanding at other organizations that aren’t so well-informed about mental health and suicide. Still, I found myself unsure of who to go to for support. I felt awkward, as if people weren’t sure what to say to me or what kind of condolence to offer. Again, mental illness isn’t seen as a “greeting card” or “casserole” illness; although, a well-meaning neighbor did leave a shrimp platter on my mother’s doorstep.
While I have been immersed in the mental health field—both personally and professionally—for over ten years, my mom had never seen a mental health professional or spoken openly about mental health before my father’s suicide. Almost immediately after he passed, we both began to research support groups and ways to connect with others who had gone through a similar experience. My mom found a support group for survivors of suicide, and through it, met other women who had unexpectedly lost their long-term partners to suicide. At a time when she was feeling most alone, she found peers who could relate to her story and throw her a life vest when she felt like she was drowning in an ocean of isolation.
For me, the most powerful support came from a friend and former NAMI HelpLine volunteer who had also recently lost a parent to suicide. Knowing that there was someone who could relate to my experience, and not judge me for my messy tangle of confusing feelings, made all the difference in the world. That’s the power of peer support. Talking to mental health professionals and receiving various treatments can be an important piece to one’s recovery journey, but there is a special power in talking to others who have been in and through similar situations.
Now I work for an organization that highlights the importance of peer support as a key piece to mental health recovery. At 7 Cups, I work with thousands of volunteers all over the world who both give and receive peer support for their mental health. It shouldn’t be difficult to access and connect with someone who can relate to your struggle. That’s what my friend did for me, and that’s what I hope to be able to do for others who have mental health conditions or lost loved ones to suicide. All it takes is one person to say “I get it” to know that you are not alone.
Kate Mallow works with 7 Cups as their Group Support and Teen Community Manager where she combines her passions for mental health and working with volunteers. She has experience working as a crisis counselor with suicide prevention hotlines and has worked with national mental health organizations such as NAMI.
https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/August-2018-/The-Life-Vest-of-Support
