Tag Archive for: CARE Counseling

Recovery and St. Patrick’s Day

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Most often, when people in recovery from alcohol and drug dependence think about getting through the Holidays and staying sober, they think about Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. These Holidays are sometimes referred to as the Bermuda Triangle of relapse. March 17th is often forgotten in the mix of holidays, despite its association with pubs, drinking, and parades. The hazards of relapse are all there for the individual who has years of ingrained patterns of using when celebrating this occasion.

These triggers are similar to those associated with the other holidays. Memories of music, the smells of traditional foods, and even the color green can all trigger the positive memories from the past, while the blinders of denial shield the mind from the negative consequences experienced in years gone by. As with other holidays, liquor may appear in places one was not expecting. Proprietors and friends may offer a red solo cup of beer, or a shot of Irish whiskey for your coffee, in a local business. Caught off guard, in a moment of awkwardness, one may be inclined to accept that “wee drop” while others, who can drink without impunity, are enjoying their beverages all around.

The plan, and the principles applied, is the same as any other plan for early recovery. First, avoid people, places, and things associated with past drinking/using rituals. Remember, this is not a life sentence. Many people in recovery enjoy going to parties and other places where liquor are served, but only after they have developed a firm foundation in recovery! The time this may take varies, but most people in recovery will advise that anyone with less than a year sobriety should avoid being around parties and alcohol like they would the plague. If you have to ask yourself if being around alcohol is a good idea, it probably isn’t.

Next, plan your day. Begin by getting your head on straight. An early morning AA/NA meeting is an excellent start. If one is spiritually inclined, one can follow the true Irish tradition of attending mass on Saint Patrick’s. If one is going to party, party with people that are in recovery also. After work one could attend a meeting when everyone else is off to the pub. In Ireland, Saint Patrick’s Day is traditionally celebrated by attending mass, and then spending the holiday with family and a traditional Irish meal (which is not corned beef and cabbage, by the way). This could be Shepherd’s Pie or salmon served with mashed potatoes. And of course you can’t leave out the Irish Soda Bread, which is a simple to make recipe and delicious served warm with butter.

The key for a successful life in recovery is to replace old drinking/drugging rituals with new rituals, preferably shared with a non-using social support network. So don’t be gloomy on this special holiday dwelling on the old days. Begin a new life centered on new enjoyable activities with clean and sober friends and many years ahead of memorable Saint Patrick’s Days!

By Thomas Finnerty, MHS, LCADC, HS-BCP

Recovery and St. Patrick’s Day

6 Ways You Can Help A Loved One On Their Healing Journey

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Take a moment to consider all the people in your life: your coworkers, friends, family. At any given time, 1 in 5 of these individuals is living with a mental health condition. You may have noticed them struggling, but if you’re not a trained mental health professional, you may not have known how to help.

However, you can help. You can be supportive and encouraging during their mental health journey. Here are a few tips on supporting the mental health of those you love.

1) Educate Yourself

There are hundreds of mental health concerns; your job is not to become an expert in all of them. When you do notice potentially troublesome symptoms, it’s helpful to determine if those signs may indicate a mental illness. Familiarizing yourself with common symptoms can help you understand and convey your worries. You may also benefit from expanding your knowledge by taking a course or joining a support group of individuals who can relate to the hardships you and your loved one may be facing.

2) Remain Calm

Recognizing that a loved one might need help can be daunting, but try to remain calm—impulsively approaching the individual might make you seem insensitive or aggressive. Try to be mindful and patient. Take time to consider your loved one’s symptoms and your relationship before acting. Writing down how you feel and what you want to say may be useful to help you recognize and understand your thoughts and feelings, and help you slow down while connecting to your good intentions.

3) Be Respectful And Patient

Before talking to someone about their mental health, reflect on your intention to promote healing and keep that in mind. Ask how you can help in their recovery process and be cautious not to come off as controlling. While encouraging a person to seek help is okay, it is not appropriate to demand it of them. Let them know that if they ever wish to talk in the future, you’re available.

4) Listen

Give your loved one the gift of having someone who cares about their unique experience. Don’t bypass their narrative by making connections to others’ experiences. You might recognize a connection to your own experience, however, sharing your story prematurely may undermine their experience. You may be prepared with hotlines, books, or a list of community providers, and although these are excellent sources of support, it’s important to take time to thoroughly listen before giving advice. It’s a privilege to have someone share intimate details of their mental health. Be present and listen before moving forward.

5) Provide Support

One of the best ways to help is to simply ask how. It’s not helpful to try to be someone’s therapist, but you can still help. People don’t like being told what to do—asking how you can help empowers them to take charge of their recovery, while also letting them know you are a source of support.

6) Establish Boundaries

As you support your struggling loved one, it’s important to consider both your boundaries and theirs. When trying to help, you are susceptible to neglecting yourself in the process; boundaries will help you maintain your self-care, while also empowering your loved one. Be sure you’re not working harder than they are at their own healing process.

As a caring person, you may grapple between wanting to encourage and support your loved one while wanting to honor their process and independence. Unfortunately, there are no foolproof guidelines for helping your loved one on their journey towards recovery. However, you can connect to your intentions, convey compassion and maintain your own self-care while empowering your loved one regardless of where they are in their healing journey.

By Shainna Ali

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/March-2018/6-Ways-You-Can-Help-a-Loved-One-on-Their-Healing-J

The Messy Truth About Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

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I hear comments all the time:

“My place is so perfect. I’m so OCD.”
“No, it has to be neat and clean. I’m so OCD.”
“You should see how I organized my Star Wars collection. I’m so OCD.”

I was born with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I struggled throughout my childhood, through multiple high schools and left college after just one semester—consumed by my obsessive thoughts. I barely made it through my twenties. In my early thirties, I hit rock bottom. I was bedridden in my parent’s guest bedroom, paralyzed by OCD.

One year included three psychiatric hospitals; intensive outpatient therapy; two months at the OCD Institute at McLean Hospital in Boston; being kicked out of said OCD Institute; and living on the streets of Boston in the middle of winter with little money, no transportation, no job and severe OCD and separation anxiety.

It took hitting rock bottom to get the help I needed. After eight scary therapeutic months, I was “reborn” and moved to Los Angeles a healthy, happy and thriving member of society. I finally understand the point of the therapy my loved ones had desperately been trying to get me into.

Why do most people believe the myth that OCD is just about a hyper-organized desk or color-coordinated closet? The reality is that most of the 3 million people with OCD in this country struggle just to function on a daily basis. They’re not bragging about the “benefits” of OCD.

Well, Hollywood’s general portrayal and perspective of OCD is limited. Movies and TV present OCD as quirky or fun. Characters often use their symptoms to their advantage, almost like a skill or superpower. Hollywood has created the belief that OCD is just double-checking, hand washing or a strong dislike of germs. Hollywood and the media rarely address the reality of this serious condition—it simply seems funny to watch, and not too difficult to live with. So, many individuals with OCD continue to struggle in silence, afraid to seek help.

OCD typically looks nothing like what you see on television. I didn’t wash my hands; I didn’t check, organize or clean; I wasn’t afraid of germs. My OCD was based in my fear of losing control. OCD is complicated like that; it preys on your unique fears and anxieties that have no basis in reality. For some people that’s germs, for others (like me) it’s extremely taboo topics, like self-harm.

To you, these fears and anxieties seem irrational and easy to brush aside, but the actual experience of having OCD is losing that rational perspective. Your brain can’t shrug off these fears. It’s a constant battle between uncertainty and truth inside your brain. That’s why the disorder is a far cry from: “I love when my kitchen is put away perfectly. I’m a little OCD.”

 

Ethan S. Smith currently lives in the Los Angeles area working as a successful writer/director/producer/author and OCD Advocate. Ethan was born with OCD and struggled most of his life until receiving life-changing treatment in 2010. Ethan was the keynote speaker at the 2014 annual OCD conference in Los Angeles and is the current International OCD Foundation’s National Ambassador.

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/March-2018/The-Messy-Truth-About-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorde

Understanding Self-Harm

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Self-harm is difficult to understand because it goes against the natural human instinct of self-preservation. Maybe that’s why some people react to it in a negative, judgmental way. They can’t imagine ever being in a state of mind where they would hurt themselves, so they can’t understand why anyone else would.

This lack of understanding can lead to insensitivity and stigma towards people who are often already struggling with serious emotional turmoil. Self-harm is usually a sign that a person is having a tough time coping with their emotions. It’s frequently “used” as a coping mechanism for unmanageable mental health symptoms, although the experts don’t completely understand why some might self-medicate with drugs or alcohol, while others self-harm.

Several mental health conditions are associated with self-harming behaviors, including borderline personality disorder, depression, eating disorders, anxiety or posttraumatic distress disorder. People experiencing these conditions might self-harm for one or more of the following reasons:

  • To help manage unbearable emotions and symptoms
  • To help regain a sense of feeling (for those experiencing numbness)
  • To help relieve stress and pressure
  • To help feel in control
  • To reenact a trauma in an attempt to resolve it
  • To protect others from emotional pain

Any person can self-harm, but the largest percentage of people who engage in these type behaviors are teenagers (17.2%) and young adults (13.4%). According to psychologist Dr. Jennifer Muehlenkamp, “Those are the key ages because youth are experiencing multiple changes at the same time. They’re becoming more independent and transitions such as from junior high into high school or to college creates a lot of change. There’s a lot of new stress and pressures.”

What Should I Do?

Self-harm seems to provide some level of relief from emotional pain, and can become addictive. Like alcohol and other drugs, self-harm is a behavior that a person might feel they need increasingly more of to feel the same effect. It could also lead to other self-destructive coping mechanisms. So, if you or someone you know self-harms, here are a few first steps you can take to change this behavior.

Seek Treatment

Self-harm is a serious mental health symptom that requires evaluation and treatment. If you are having difficulty coping with intense emotions without the use of self-harm, consider talking with a mental health professional about one of the following treatment methods:

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) focuses on recognizing negative thought patterns and increasing coping skills.
  • Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) helps a person learn positive coping methods.
  • Psychodynamic therapy identifies how negative behaviors have been caused or influenced by past experiences and unresolved feelings.

Practice Positive Coping Mechanisms

It’s helpful to understand what triggers you (or your loved one) to self-harm. That way, you can implement healthy coping mechanisms to manage those triggers. Some examples are:

  • Direct the urge at something else – Use a punching bag, scream into a pillow or rip up a magazine
  • Self-soothe – Take deep breaths, take a bath or try meditation
  • Express yourself – Write how you feel or write creatively
  • Create something – Paint, draw or craft
  • Focus on music – Listen to your favorite song or play an instrument
  • Exercise – Run, dance or just go for a walk
  • Avoid alcohol and drugs – Substances can lower your self-control and increase risk of self-injury

Self-harm is a challenging mental health symptom to overcome—and lack of understanding only makes it that much more difficult to work through. When it comes to serious mental health symptoms like self-harm, we need to show others and ourselves compassion rather than judgement. There is no shame in needing support and help.

What To Do If Your Workplace Is Anxiety-Inducing

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There are so many aspects a job that can cause anxiety: having tight deadlines, trying to harmonize a work/life balance, dealing with office gossip and politics, meeting your supervisor’s expectations… the list goes on.

Thanks to all this, most people who work will experience some anxiety at some point. But what do you do if your workplace makes you feel that way on a regular basis? When you dread stepping foot into the office day after day. When something about your job makes anxiety your norm. When you have an anxiety disorder and work constantly triggers your symptoms.

Depending on your situation, it might be helpful to evaluate whether your job is right for you. But if you aren’t able or don’t want to change jobs, there are ways to manage workplace anxiety.

Practice Self-Awareness

Before you can improve your situation, it’s important to understand what exactly is creating your anxious feelings or worsening the symptoms of your condition. Even if the root of your anxiety is something you can’t change, like having more work than you can handle, knowing the cause can help you figure out next steps. It’s a lot harder to reach a destination without a map.

Share Your Feelings

It may be helpful to talk to a trusted coworker as they can relate to and sympathize with your anxiety. If you don’t have a coworker you trust, you can talk to a friend, family member or mental health professional. Talking about anxiety with the right person can help you process these intense emotions and it can be validating if the person is supportive and understanding. They might also have ideas or suggestions to help you cope.

Release Your Thoughts

Anxiety feeds off itself and one anxious thought can turn into 100 pretty quickly. There’s no way I will meet this deadline. What if something else comes up? What if Steve thinks the project is terrible? If you’re feeling inundated with this kind of thought-spiral, it can be helpful to release your thoughts.

One of the most effective ways to do this is by writing them all down. Do a brain dump of all your anxious thoughts—not to understand them, but just to get them “out.” If you’re at home (or somewhere you feel comfortable) thinking about work drama, you can also sing your thoughts. The idea of these practices is that you can’t write or sing as fast as you can think, so you’ll actually be slowing down while you release your unhelpful thought patterns.

Know When To Ask For Help

If you’re drowning in work, having a hard day or feeling like you can’t meet your supervisor’s expectations, ask your colleagues for help. While it may feel like everyone handles their own work and stress independently, and you should too, this is often not beneficial to anyone. Asking for help when you need it alleviates your burden and builds trust among coworkers. If you feel guilty for taking up their time, offer your support the next time they need help.

Take Time Off

Every six months or so, take some time off work and disconnect as much as possible. Don’t feel guilty about it. You deserve time to yourself or with your loved ones. There is no shortage of research about how important it is for your mental health to get regular breaks from work to decompress and reset. It gives you something to look forward to, time to reflect and practice gratitude. Time off also helps build resilience.

Accept Anxiety

The more you fear anxiety, the more powerful it can become. Part of reducing anxiety is accepting that sometimes work is going to make you feel that way. This is a lot easier said than done, but it comes with practice. So, next time you feel your thoughts and heartbeat start to race, take a moment, sit at your desk and tell yourself: “I feel anxious right now and that’s okay. I’m uncomfortable with this feeling and that’s okay. I don’t know how long this will last, and I’m okay with that.” Tell yourself these things and mean them. It can be surprising how much this small act can help.

Workplace anxiety happens to everyone. But for those who experience it regularly, it’s not something you should push aside or ignore. Even if you feel stressed out and under pressure, it’s important to take time to manage your anxiety. Work is important, but it’s not worth your mental health.

 

By Laura Greenstein 

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2018/What-To-Do-if-Your-Workplace-is-Anxiety-Inducing

The Problem With Yelling

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“The problem with verbal abuse is there is no evidence,” Marta shared. She came for help with a long-standing depression.

“What do you mean, lack of evidence?” I asked her.

“When people are physically or sexually abused, it’s concrete and real. But verbal abuse is amorphous. I feel like if I told someone I was verbally abused, they’d think I was just complaining about being yelled at,” Marta explained.

“It’s much more than that,” I validated.

“The problem is no one can see my scars.” She knew intuitively that her depression, anxietyand deep-seated insecurity were wounds that stemmed from the verbal abuse she endured as a child.

“I wish I was beaten,” Marta shared on more than one occasion. “I’d feel more legitimate.”

Her statement was haunting and brought tears to my eyes.

Verbal abuse is so much more than getting scolded. Marta told me that there were many reasons her mother’s tirades were traumatizing:

  • The loud volume of her voice
  • The shrill tone of her voice
  • The dead look in her eyes
  • The critical, disdainful and scornful facial expression that made Marta feel hated
  • The long duration—sometimes her mother yelled for hours
  • The names and insults—you’re spoiled, disgusting and wretched
  • The unpredictability of that “flip of the switch” that turned her mother into someone else
  • And, perhaps worst of all, the abandonment

Being frequently yelled at changes the mind, brain and body in a multitude of ways including increasing the activity of the amygdala (the emotional brain), increasing stress hormones in the blood stream, increasing muscular tension and more. Being frequently yelled at as children changes how we think and feel about ourselves even after we become adults and leave home. That’s because the brain wires according to our experiences—we literally hear our parents’ voices yelling at us in our heads even when they’re not there.

Attachment and infant-mother research confirms what we all intuitively know: Humans do better when they feel safe and consistently loved, which means, among other things, being treated with respect. What is news to many of us is that we are born with fully matured, hard-wired, core emotions like sadness, fear and anger. And when fear, for example, is repeatedly triggered by a harsh environment, like one where there is a lot of yelling, automatic physical and emotional reactions occur that cause traumatic stress to a child. The stress in their little brains and bodies increases from anything that makes them feel attacked, including loud voices, angry voices, angry eyes, dismissive gestures and more.

Children do better when they are calm. The calmer and more connected the caregiver, the calmer and more secure the child. And the healthier it is for the child’s brain and body. Knowing this, here are some things all parents can remember to help young brains develop well, by ensuring our children feel safe and secure.

  • Know that children have very real emotional needs that need proper tending. In general, the more these needs are met, the easier it will be for the child to be resilient in the face of life’s challenges.
  • Learning about core emotions will help your child successfully manage emotions.
  • You can affect your child’s self-esteem by being kind, compassionate and curious about their mind and world.
  • When a break in the relationship occurs, as often happens during conflicts, try to repair the emotional connection with your child as soon as possible.
  • You can help your child feel safe and secure by allowing them to separate from you and become their own person. Then welcoming them back with love and connection even when you are angry or disappointed in their behaviors.

When you’re a parent, it’s not easy to control your temper or realize when you’ve crossed the line into verbal abuse. There is a slippery slope between being a strict disciplinarian and traumatizing a young brain. A little awareness goes a long way. Being aware of one’s behavior, listening to our tone of voice and choice of words and watching our body language will keep us in check. Little children, who can act tough, defiant or even indifferent to our actions, are still vulnerable to trauma.

Our own childhood experiences—wonderful, horrible and everything in between—need to be remembered and honored. And we can all strive to help ourselves and our families evolve for the better: to increase the best, gentle experiences we received as children and reduce the painful ones. Marta, for example, worked hard to recover from her abuse. She strove to develop compassion for herself and self-soothe her distress, both necessary but challenging parts of healing.

Several years into our work together, Marta came in following a distressing weekend and shared an amazing experience. A fight with her mother had left her reeling: “I told myself, my distress will soon pass and I’ll be okay. I named, validated and felt the sadness in my body as I gave myself compassion. After I spent time with my feelings, I took a walk through the park and looked at nature. I felt better.”

Proud of the way she could now self-soothe, I said, “What a wonderful mother you were to yourself.”

 

Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, is the author of It’s Not Always Depression (Random House & Penguin UK), a book which teaches both the general public and psychotherapists about emotions and how to work with them to feel better. She received her BA in biochemistry from Wesleyan University and an MSW from Fordham University. She is a certified psychoanalyst and AEDP psychotherapist and supervisor. She has published articles in The New York Times and professional journals. Hendel was also the Mental Health Consultant on AMC’s Mad Men. She lives in New York City. For more information and free resources for mental health visit: https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2018/The-Problem-with-Yelling

Writing Tips That Can Reduce Symptoms

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In 1985, psychologist James W. Pennebaker theorized that the effort it takes to hold back our thoughts and feelings serves as a stressor on our bodies. By confronting these thoughts and acknowledging our emotions, we can reduce the stress and negative impact on our bodies. The result? We feel better.

One of the best ways to confront our feelings is through writing. Decades of research have suggested that expressive writing can help improve mood, increase psychological well-being, reduce depressive symptoms, decrease PTSD avoidance symptoms, reduce days spent in a hospital and improve immune system functioning (to name a few).

Writing a letter or journaling is not a new concept; in fact, for many, it’s a fading art form. With all the recent technological advancements, individuals are no longer opting for the standard pen-and-paper means to express feelings, ideas and thoughts. Instead, it’s become much more common to use social media to express “tip-of-the-iceberg” feelings.

For someone with mental illness, taking time beyond a social media post to write expressively can be very helpful to your well-being. Below are a few ways you can use expressive writing practices to reduce mental health symptoms and improve overall well-being.

Focus On A Specific Subject

A study conducted by the University of Los Angeles found that participants who wrote in detail about a particular stressor showed the most improvement versus writing about general facts of a stressful event. Participants who did not just recount events but rather wrote about how they felt about the event had marked improvement in their health.

This means: You should write about a specific experience and all its features—how it made you feel, and any thoughts or ideas you had as result. Don’t just rehash what happened.

Give Yourself Time

By dedicating a set amount of time to write, you can dive deeper into your feelings and experiences rather than just brush the surface. Studies have reported that short writing sessions have less impact on improved feelings/emotions in the long run. Giving yourself a focused time, day and schedule to write improves the ability for your mind to dive deeper into processing your feelings.

This means: Try to set aside at least 15–20 minutes a day to write, and try to do it consistently for two to three days in a row. Allow time after writing to collect yourself before moving on to other tasks.

Don’t Worry About Grammar Or Spelling

When writing a research paper or dissertation, spelling and grammar are crucial. However, this isn’t the case for expressive writing exercises. Worrying about grammar and spelling tends to pull an individual’s mind out of the free, conscious “space” they are trying to experience.

This means: Ignore the rules and write without stopping to re-read or edit what you have so far.

Use Positive Words

Using words like “because,” “realize” and “understand” helps increase the positive effects of the exercise. Studies found that writing that included “positive-emotion” words had higher rates of improved health. Words such as hope, love, anticipation and awe are also good words to consider using.

This means: The words you use matter. After writing, identify the number of positive words in your writing. You can also visit www.liwc.wpengine.com and paste your text into their system and see how your writing is translated in a positive or negative sense.

Seek Support

While extensive studies have been conducted, there is still much to learn about the implications of writing about emotional topics such as PTSD, anxiety or depression. Therefore, if possible, seek support from a mental health professional to help you through any challenges that may arise during these exercises. It’s important to have resources available while you uncover feelings and emotions through the writing process.

The art of expressive writing has been researched and studied for decades, and the findings demonstrate that it has a positive impact on symptom reduction and overall well-being for participants who use the process as it was intended. Consider the above five tips when beginning your “writing to wellness” journey.

 

Steven Swink has his Master’s degree in counseling psychology and has been working in the field of mental health since 2009. He has provided direct counseling services and provides supervisory-level work in the mental health field overseeing various programs and service delivery to consumers. In addition to his mental health experience, Steven is co-founder and CEO of www.Letyr.com, a platform for people to anonymously share their ideas, beliefs and feelings in a safe and confidential way.

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2018/Writing-Tips-that-Can-Reduce-Symptoms

Why Don’t More Olympians Talk About Mental Illness?

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Many Olympians have talked about various health issues they’ve overcome, but so few have opened up about living with a mental health condition. This is surprising due to the immense mental component of being an Olympic athlete.

Many Olympians have commented that the mental aspect of the game far exceeds the physical. So, coping with symptoms of mental illness would make competing even more challenging, just as a physical injury would. But even if it does make competing more challenging, a mental health condition wouldn’t prohibit someone from being able to compete—or win.

Olympians who have told the world they experience mental illness seem to do so after their career as an Olympian has ended. Of course, there are exceptions, such as bronze-medalist figure skater Gracie Gold who isn’t competing in this year’s Winter Olympics due to her struggles with mental health. She bravely shared that she needed to put skating on hold, due to mental health treatment.

“I am still undergoing treatment for depression, anxiety and an eating disorder,” Gold explained. “It pains me to not compete in this Olympic season, but I know it’s for the best.”

Statistically speaking, Gold is not the lone Olympian in this year’s Pyeongchang’s games living with a mental health condition. There are 244 athletes competing in the 2018 Winter Olympics on Team USA. Since 1 in 5 adults live with a mental health condition, approximately 49 of these athletes live with a mental health condition. Yet only a handful have spoken out.

So why don’t Olympians talk freely about mental illness, if they have it? Probably stigma. Athletes want to be viewed as strong and empowered, and rightly so. They don’t want the public shaming them for any issue or condition, especially one that is so heavily stigmatized in our society.

But the simple truth is: Olympians can prove having mental illness doesn’t mean you’re weak. Being able to manage symptoms well enough to handle the highest-pressure competition in the world proves that mental illness doesn’t have to hold you back. And that some of the strongest, most motivated individuals in the world have these struggles as well.

We need to encourage athletes to open up about their mental health. It could alter society’s perception of what someone living with a mental health condition is capable of achieving. We need to break the stigma that is keeping these world class athletes silent. Join NAMI’s movement to stop stigma on mental illness. Go to www.nami.org/stigmafree and take the pledge to be StigmaFree.

By Laura Greenstein

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2018/Why-Don-t-More-Olympians-Talk-About-Mental-Illness

Being The Person My 13-Year-Old Self Needed

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It started when I was 13; unbeknownst to me, I was dealing with depression and anxiety. During seventh grade, I was bullied quite a bit. I can clearly remember one time—a few girls were verbally ganging up on me at a lunch table in the cafeteria. Since I was cornered at the table, it was on the brink of getting physical.

Luckily, I had a friend who wasn’t afraid to stick up for me. She was so upset that she slammed the lollipop she had in her mouth on the lunch table and said, “You aren’t going to talk to Brooke like that!” She started arguing with the group of girls and I got up and ran down the hallway into the bathroom and started sobbing. For a week after, I stayed in my favorite teacher’s room, too scared to go back to lunch with everyone else.

When I was 13, I started to harm myself. This lasted for a few years between middle school and high school. Many people ask me, “How could you do that to yourself? How did that make you feel better?” Well, I was hurting so much inside. I didn’t know how to come up from that dark place. I lost interest in everything. I was constantly feeling guilty about everything I did. I felt inadequate. I had negative thoughts racing through my head every second of every day. I didn’t know how to stop it. So, to me, outside pain was the only pain I could control.

There’s a behavioral health center for young adults in my town. I can remember the time I took a pamphlet to an adult hinting that I should go there for help. They said, “You’re too young to be depressed.” I had taken a “Do you think you’re depressed?” test online, and I had checked yes to many of the listed symptoms. I printed the paper off and showed that to them as well. To no surprise, they expressed that I was being dramatic.

Later on, I made an appointment with my guidance counselor. I was crying as she asked me if I ever had suicidal thoughts or if I had ever harmed myself. I said “no” because I felt that if I told her “yes,” I would get in trouble. I didn’t feel safe telling her everything. I left and went back to class with dried tears and a sense of hopelessness.

See, I’m known for having a very outgoing personality. I was always the student who participated in many activities, volunteered, played sports, led the cha-cha slide at the school dances—a social butterfly. So, to other people, I didn’t “fit the mold” of someone who was depressed.

Fast-forward six years: I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It was six years of feeling completely alone. Six years of feeling like I was the only person that felt the way I did. Six years of feeling helpless.

I couldn’t sit still without answers, so I dedicated time to research how chemical imbalances in the brain affect us. I learned that so many other people are affected by mental illness as well. Then I thought, “If there are so many people with similar issues, why aren’t more people talking about it?!”

So, I started a project called Crowning Confidence, geared towards young adults experiencing mental health issues and bullying. It all started after I saw a Facebook post by a mother of a 7-year-old girl named Hayden who was being harshly bullied. As Miss Alaska USA, I felt I couldn’t have this go unnoticed. I reached out to her mother and asked if there was anything I could do to lift Hayden’s spirits. She expressed that her daughter loved princesses. Taking that as inspiration, I made her a video message with affirmations and tips on how to deal with bullies. I then proclaimed her honorary Queen Hayden and sent her a crown. I told her that whenever she felt down, she could always put on her crown to bring herself up.

My experience with Hayden propelled me to become the person my 13-year-old self needed, and start Crowning Confidence for all the amazing girls out there in similar situations. This project came full circle for me when I had the opportunity to bring it into my old middle school. In my favorite teacher’s class that I used to hide in all those years ago, I was able to speak to young ladies about self-esteem, mental health and give them all their own crowning moment. I want to do the same in as many schools and organizations as possible.

Ultimately, no one is to blame for my experience. I tried to reach out when I was younger, but they just didn’t know what to do, or the signs or symptoms of mental illness. That is why I am here. I want to make a positive and open space for people to speak and ask questions about mental illness. Increasing awareness and opening up conversations will allow more people to have access to necessary mental health information.

With more information, people can receive the proper help they need, no matter how old they are. I sometimes think of how different my life would have been if I had more information, but then again, I was supposed to go through this journey, because now I know how it feels and I can use my experiences and platform to help people—especially young adults—who feel they have no one to reach out to.

Brooke Johnson is Miss Alaska USA 2018, a NAMI Ambassador and an actress. You can keep up with everything she’s up to at www.brookej.com. She recently started a YouTube channel for people to follow her Crowning Confidence Project, Mental Health Awareness Platform and her journey to Miss USA. Follow her blog/vlog here.

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/January-2018/Being-the-Person-My-13-Year-Old-Self-Needed