Tag Archive for: CARE Counseling

Do Violent Video Games Make Kids More Violent?

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from Psychology Today

If you know a tween, teenager or avid gamer, you have probably heard about the latest video game phenomenon: Fortnite. In the game’s Battle Royale mode, up to 100 players parachute into a small island, scavenge for armor and weapons, and then kill or hide from other players in an attempt to be the lone survivor. The game’s cartoonish violence and quirky features–including costumes and custom dance moves–have attracted more than 125 million players across all the globe since its release last September.

While not overly gory, the premise for Fortnite is inherently violent; the primary goal is to kill other players. The popularity of these types of games, and this one in particular, raises clear questions about the effects of violent gaming. Specifically, do violent video games lead to real-life violence?

The research on this question is mixed. For decades, researchers have conducted studies to find out whether violent video games lead to problems such as aggression, lack of empathy and poor performance in school. Many studies have found that people who play violent video games are more likely to engage in aggressive behavior. In fact, there was enough researchleading to this conclusion that the American Psychiatric Association (APA) published a policy statement in 2015 concluding that playing violent video games leads to more aggressive moods and behaviors and detracts from the players’ feeling of empathy and sensitivity to aggression.

But a large contingent of researchers focused on pediatric and adolescencehealth disagree. In fact, a group of 230 scholars from universities across the globe published an open letter in 2013 calling the APA’s stance of violent video games “misleading and alarmist.” And many of those same scholars spoke out after the 2015 policy statement.

Last summer, a division within the APA focused on the media published their own statement advising government officials and the news media to avoid attributing acts of violence to video games or other violent media. Here’s why:

  • Large analyses of violent crime and video violent game use find no evidence that increased sales of violent video games leads to a spike in violent crimes. Researchers make the case that if violent games directly led to violent behavior, the data would show increases in violent crime on a large-scale as more people played violent games. In fact, there is some evidence that as more youth play video games, rates of youth violence have decreased.
  • A recent analysis finds that research on video games is prone to false positives and false negatives, which leads to faulty conclusions.
  • Another review finds that much of the research on violence and video games is affected by publication bias; essentially, studies that concluded that video games lead to aggression and violence are more likely to be published than studies that find violent video games don’t have an effect on violence. As a result, large reviews of the data conclude violent video games lead to aggression without considering research to the contrary.
  • There is emerging research that finds no link between violent games and negative outcomes, such as reduced empathy, aggression and depression.

That’s a lot of conflicting perspectives, so what’s the take-home message here?  First, there is not solid, irrefutable evidence that violent video games lead to aggressive behavior. That does not mean that every game is for every child. Certainly, many violent video games are scary and inappropriate for some kids. Understanding each child’s needs and creating a plan that sets out rules for media use and monitors kids’ activities on screens is a sensible way to approach video games.

Please visit Cornell University’s Bronfenbrenner Center for Translational Research’s website for more information on our work solving human problems.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evidence-based-living/201807/do-violent-video-games-make-kids-more-violent

The Wounds of Childhood Can Be Healed

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When many of us think of childhood, we imagine happy, carefree times. Tender feelings of safe, loving relationships with parents and grandparents are often remembered. Those of us who are parents ourselves know there is nothing more precious than the birth of a child and the dreams associated with watching that child grow and thrive into adulthood.

Adults also know that growing up can be painful. The wounds of childhood can persist throughout life, embodied in every muscle and organ of our bodies. Children experience trauma in similar ways as adults, including from abuse, poverty, war, injury, or other adverse events. But there is more to trauma than meets the eye.

There are subtle, often invisible, ways children suffer from trauma, the most common being the loss of human connection. Relational trauma can be experienced by children who feel misunderstood, inferior, unaccepted, emotionally neglected, or socially disconnected. These feelings damage children’s emotional health.

Today, college freshmen rate their emotional health compared to others their age at 50.7%, the lowest level ever (Eagan, et al, 2014). Numerous studies have highlighted the declining emotional health of U.S. students, including a steady rise in anxiety, depression, and mental illness (Pryor, et al., 2010; Douce & Keeling, 2014). While these statistics are a cause for concern, the good news is that researchers are beginning to better understand the links between poor mental health, relational trauma, and the brain. As a result, therapies are improving.

In recent years, neuroscientists and psychologists have studied various types of trauma and its effects on children. We know, for example, that when children experience trauma, their growth and development is disrupted. To heal and move forward, research shows that the brain must be stimulated in fresh, creative ways. More than ever, a child needs support from adults who can authentically and respectfully interact with them.

In a groundbreaking new book, Relational and Body-Centered Practices for Healing Trauma: Lifting the Burdens of the Past,psychologist Sharon Stanley, PhD, demonstrates the importance of sharing traumatic experiences in the presence of those who can see, hear, and feel the many ways our bodies communicate truth. Written primarily for helping professionals, this book also reminds us of the significant role parents, teachers, and mentors play in helping children heal from adverse events or relational trauma. In fact, the neuroscienceresearch and practices that Stanley shares should be at the heart of every healthy adult-child relationship. Gleaned from her book are three important ways all adults can become healers for the children in their lives.

3 Ways to Help Children Heal from Traumatic Life Experiences

  1. Promote Embodied AwarenessBe willing to listen and respect the embodied and subjective experience that each child holds to be true. What does this mean? Neuroscience research shows that every traumatic experience is felt in the human body. When children become aware of their bodies, that awareness communicates important information to their brain. The brain, in turn, makes corrective changes and restores healthy functioning.A simple shift in conversation can help children become more aware of their bodies. For example, instead of simply asking, “How do you feel?” you might ask, “How and where do you feel that (fear, anger, sadness) in your body?” When children become accustomed to connecting their feelings with bodily sensations, they achieve embodied awareness. “Aided by embodied awareness,” says Stanley, “we can look more closely, hear more accurately, and feel more actively in the moment, a mindfulness that can shift habitual autonomic fixed patterns from trauma.”
  2. Create Meaningful RitualsThroughout history, humans have recovered from trauma by coming together to honor struggle and the power of transformation. Unfortunately, ritual and ceremony have all but disappeared in many of today’s Western cultures. Based on years of research with indigenous peoples, Stanley points out the powerful brain-body connections that are made through ritual and how those connections are essential to healing trauma.We can help children recover from painful events and hurtful relationships by working with them to create meaningful rituals. Again, body-based activities should be front and center, engaging the right hemisphere of the brain to connect to a child’s subjective way of knowing. Integration of the arts, music, contemplative practices, and dance, says Stanley, can transform the chaos of trauma into relational resources for growth.

    The goal of rituals is to create human connections. When parents and teachers create safe spaces for children to express themselves, explore their feelings, and become aware of the sensations in their bodies, children feel what it means to be human. Stanley suggests that ceremony changes the brain in ways that convert fear to love, facilitating growth and development.

  3. Connect through Somatic EmpathyMuch has been written about the power of empathy. What Stanley does exceedingly well in her book is to differentiate what we often understand as “cognitive empathy,” an attempt to understand what others think, from “somatic empathy,” an ability to feel what others feel. The former is a left-brain activity; the latter is right-brained.According to Stanley, “Somatic empathy communicates to people suffering from trauma that they are seen, felt, and understood just as they are, allowing them to feel felt.” Parents, teachers, and all caring adults have the ability to help children heal through our interactions with them and through our mindful attention to their body-based cues.

    For example, when a child aches in his stomach, feels tension in her jaw, or experiences tight sensations in his chest, we can help that child more consciously connect these sensations to a deeper self-knowing. We do this through authentic listening and a sense of respect for how a child feels and experiences those feelings in his or her body. We are consciously present, helping children reflect and gain embodied self-awareness.

    Through compassionate relationships based in somatic empathy, a child’s brain changes in ways that repair the effects of trauma.

Seeking Help when Youth Experience Trauma

The three practices listed above are everyday ways all adults can nurture deep connections with children and teenagers and help them heal from trauma. But often, children need the help of experienced psychological professionals to overcome adverse events and relational trauma in their lives. The good news is that neurobiological research with somatic, embodied healing practices is breaking new ground each year.

Stanley has trained hundreds of practitioners for over a decade in what she calls “somatic transformation.” For helping professionals who want to understand the neurobiological underpinnings of trauma and new ways to work with those affected by trauma, I highly recommend Stanley’s book, based on the most recent research and transformative practices available.

As parents and teachers, we must all become more aware of the subtle cues of relational trauma in our children and in ourselves. Through numerous case studies, Stanley demonstrates that it is never too late to heal the wounds of our own childhoods through body-based somatic healing. When we heal ourselves, we have greater capacity to be in authentic empathy-based relationships with our children.

References

Douce, L.A, & Keeling, R.P. (2014) A strategic primer on college student mental health. (Washington DC: American Council on Education).

K. Eagan, et al., (2014) The American Freshman: National Norms Fall 2014(Los Angeles: CA: Higher Education Research Institute, UCLA, 2014)

J.H. Pryor, et al., (2010) The American Freshman: National Norms Fall 2010(Los Angeles, CA: Higher Education Research Institute, UCLA, 2010).

S. Stanley, (2016) Relational and Body-Centered Practices for Healing Trauma: Lifting the Burdens of the Past (New York: Routledge).

Author

Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD, is the author of Tomorrow’s Change Makers: Reclaiming the Power of Citizenship for a New Generation. A developmental psychologist and researcher, she works at the intersection of positive youth development and education.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-moment-youth/201605/the-wounds-childhood-can-be-healed

How to Control Your Emotions When They Are Out of Control

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from Psychology Today

We’ve all been there: We’re freaking out about something that just happened to us — what someone did to us, said to us, or didn’t do for us. And we’re pissed or terrified, or defeated — our emotions have become overpowering. What do we do now to get our emotions under control when they’ve already gotten completely out of control?

There are tons of ways to better manage our emotions in the long run — for example, we can develop positive thinking skills, reappraisal skills, and resiliency, but these skills require effortful practice over long periods of time. Sure, learning these skills is a great idea, but maybe you’re just not sure what to do (take this well-being quiz to figure out what skills to focus on), or you just haven’t gotten to it yet. So what do we do right now to control our already out-of-control emotions? Here are some science-based tips:

1. Cut off the negative thought spirals.

When bad things happen, sometimes we get stuck ruminating about these events, thinking about what happened — or could have happened — over and over. Often it’s these ruminative thought cycles that drive our emotions up, and not the actual event itself. So to control these emotions, we usually just need to stop having the thoughts that are creating them. Of course, that’s easier said than done.

One strategy is to play “I Spy.” It might seem silly, but naming different objects you see around the room can help you redirect your thoughts to other more mundane things, so that your emotions can get a rest and start to calm down. Another strategy to redirect your thoughts is to get up, do something, or change your surroundings — for example, you could excuse yourself to go to the restroom, or if the situation allows, go for a short walk. This approach helps give you a moment to reset and take your thoughts in a new direction.

2. Take deep breaths. 

“Take a deep breath” might seem like a simple platitude, but it actually activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calm high-arousal negative emotions, like anxiety or anger. So breathing deeply is key when it comes to managing our more challenging emotions.

Because the brain has a harder time making good, rational decisions when emotions are in the driver’s seat, we are also likely to make better decisions if we take a few deep breaths first. So when emotions start to feel overwhelming, pause. Take a couple of deep breaths, and bring those intense emotions down a bit so you can carefully choose what to do next.

3. Generate some positive emotions.

Once you’ve calmed down somewhat, and you’re thinking clearly again, it’s helpful to try to infuse some positive emotions into the situation to help beat back those negative feelings. One way to do this is to look for the silver linings in whatever it is that’s bothering you. For example, did your boss tell you that you must redo the work you just did? A silver lining might be that this experience will help you become better at your job in the future. Or, are you upset about something your romantic partner did? This might be an opportunity to improve your communication skills and advocate for your needs in your relationship. It’s not always easy to find a silver lining, but if you can, it’s a good way to generate positive emotions.

Another way to infuse some positive emotions into the moment is with a funny video or inspiring photo. These little, positive things can help deflate even the most intense negative emotions. So if you’re feeling really down, do something that generates a little happiness, so you can start getting back to your normal self.

4. Practice acceptance.

It can seem counterintuitive to accept the things that are bothering us, but indeed, it is good advice to “accept the things you cannot change” when you want to control your emotions. No matter how upset we get, our emotions can’t change things that are unchangeable. So ask yourself: What part of this situation is unchangeable? Remind yourself to accept those things and focus your effort on the things you can change for the better.

5. Quit the coffees and soft drinks.

Caffeine gives us energy. Of course, energy is good, but caffeine can end up producing nervous energy — energy that feels very similar to feelings of anxiety or panic. So if you’re feeling extra anxious, and you can’t figure out what’s causing it, it might just be the caffeine.

If you’re already feeling stressed about something, caffeine can exacerbate these emotions, in part because caffeine can negatively affect your sleep. When we don’t sleep well, we don’t manage our emotions as well, so our feelings can get out of control more easily. So limiting caffeine is another good way to keep those emotions in check.

6. Get your heart rate up with exercise.

If you’re still feeling all riled up and can’t seem to get a handle on your negative emotions, try exercise, because it turns out that exercise is an effective way to boost your mood. Do a few sprints, lift some heavy weights, or do some other activity that gets your heart rate up, because the higher the intensity of the workout, the greater the impact on your mood. The physiological changes that happen in your body make exercise a great solution for intense emotions that you’re having a hard time handling with other strategies.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201810/how-control-your-emotions-when-they-are-out-control

How to Be Happy: 23 Ways to Be Happier

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People often ask me: “What can I do to boost my happiness?”

I tell them that there are tons of things you can do, but then I can only recall a handful of practices in the moment. So I decided to create this complete guide for how to be happy, according to science. If you use these 23 practices consistently, you are very likely to increase your personal happiness:

1. Find out what to do first.

How are you supposed to build the right happiness skills if you don’t know which ones you are struggling with in the first place? This is why it’s helpful to take a quiz to explore your happiness strengths and weaknesses. Get a better understanding of what these skills are all about, and learn how to improve upon your weaknesses and build your “happiness strengths.”

2. Give yourself a confidence boost.

Why would you bother increasing your happiness if you didn’t think you could be successful at it? You wouldn’t. That’s why it’s so important to build your self-efficacy — to prove to yourself that you can increase your happiness. The best way to do this is by starting with easier skills — skills like gratitude or prioritizing spending time doing fun things. Get a quick win, and you’ll be more confident that you really can change your life.

3. Fuel your progress by learning how to feel better about yourself.

You wouldn’t practice math to get better at cooking. And you wouldn’t learn another language to lose weight. To be happier, you’ll likely make more progress by focusing on the skills that are most closely linked to happiness. In my research, the skill that usually turns out to be most closely linked to happiness is: positive self-views. Learning how to feel better about yourself — for example, by imagining your best possible self, noting your positive qualities, or identifying your strengths — can go a long way to increasing your happiness.

4. Create balance and overcome burnout.

How are you supposed to have the energy to be happier if you’re exhausted and miserable from work? It will be really hard. Building new skills, skills that will help you be happier, will take time and energy. So it’s helpful first to create better work-life balance.

5. Build a growth mindset for happiness.

A growth mindset refers to the belief that we can change ourselves. When we build a  growth mindset for happiness, we believe we can change our happiness. This is super important, because if we don’t believe we canincrease our happiness, we won’t even bother to try.

6. Make positive memories.

Every region in our brains can be strengthened through practice. If our brains are really good at remembering negative things that happen, it can be useful to strengthen the regions of the brain responsible for remembering positive things.

Pixabay

7. Find those silver linings.

Everything we experience can be a bummer if we choose to see it that way. But when you search for the benefits or silver linings in your life, you may be surprised to discover a lot of good. Keep practicing to increase the positive and decrease the negative to cultivate happiness. Also, this skill has been linked to a better ability to cope with stressand be more resilient.

8. Take breaks from social media.

Facebook tends to have a negative effect on our happiness. By choosing to take breaks from Facebook — or changing the way we use social media — we can boost our happiness.

9. Spend smarter for more happiness.

How we choose to spend our money impacts what we can do and how we live in ways that impact how happy we are. When we choose a less fancy house or car — things that don’t bring us much happiness — we have more money to spend on adventures or on gifts for friends: things that actually do make us happier.

10. Communicate kindly.

When we are kind to others, we feel better about ourselves. We can do nice things for others, be empathetic, or we can just treat each other with respect, communicating kindly rather than assuming the worst.

11. End your negative patterns of thinking.

Let’s face it: Sometimes we are what’s making us miserable. We just can’t stop thinking about how so-and-so wronged us, or how our life didn’t turn out as we hoped. Negative thought processes — like worrying, ruminating, self-judgment, and fearing rejection — just keep us miserable and unable to move forward. When you find yourself thinking negatively, pause and refocus your thoughts. In time, your brain will be able to do this more easily on its own.

12. Find clarity.

How are you supposed to move your life forward when you don’t even know what you feel or why you feel it? To become happier, try to gain clarity on your emotions; find out what you’re feeling and what caused those feelings.

13. Live your values.

When you start to explore yourself and your values, you may discover that you’ve known all along what would make you happy, but you’re just not doing it. To be happier, get clear on your values, so that you can live your life autonomously, according to your own principles and values.

14. Pay attention to the good.

Sure, sometimes life is hard. But by paying attention to the good, you can rise above it and be more resilient. When you find the good, savor the moment, and bring it with you to maintain happiness even during hard times. Or try thinking about a time in the future when you’ll feel better.

Pixabay

15. Use your imagination to create the life you seek.

Did you know that your brain has a difficult time differentiating between things that happen in your imagination and things that happen in real life? So when you imagine something — even happiness — your brain acts as if it’s real. We can use imagination to help create happiness out of thin air and enjoy our experiences more.

16. Stay mindful.

Sometimes we want to escape. The world seems dark and scary, but by practicing mindfulness we experience more fully both the positive and the negative — we are more fully engaged in our lives.

17. Explore what happiness means to you.

We all define happiness in different ways. When you know what happiness means to you, you’ll have an easier time finding it. So explore happiness — what it means, what it looks like, and what it feels like — to more easily create it.

18. Go after life.

How are you supposed to change your life by doing the same things you’ve always done? It’s pretty tough. Instead, push yourself to overcome fearand approach life with enthusiasm. Try “doing the opposite” to see how it feels and to make your brain more flexible.

19. Speak up and be yourself.

When we let people walk all over us, we’re unhappy. But when we advocate for our own needs assertively and express ourselves, we feel more in control of our lives. Learning how to express yourself can help you overcome interpersonal challenges, which can make you unhappy.

20. Find your purpose.

We all want to feel like we made some sort of positive impact in this world, but sometimes we are uncertain of the type of impact we want to make. Explore exactly what gives you a sense of purpose and how you want to pursue this purpose to give your life a greater sense of meaning.

21. Build meaningful connections.

Did you know we enjoy just about everything more when we do it with others? This is why one of the best things you can do for your happiness is to build meaningful relationships and social connections. To strengthen these relationships, practice kindness and gratitude towards the people you care about.

22. Get off the hedonic treadmill.

The “hedonic treadmill” refers to the tendency for us to return to our original happiness level over time. To boost your baseline-level happiness, you can try changing your physiology through nutrition and exercise. To maintain your happiness, you have to get out of your comfort zone and keep adding variety to your happiness plan.

23. Hold yourself accountable.

We are more likely to do the things we say we’re going to do if we schedule time in our calendars to do them. We can also more easily stay on track if we get accountability from others. So if you really want to be happier, don’t let yourself get away with being unhappy.

In sum, you can be happier. It’s just a matter of building the right “happiness skills.” If you need help putting this all together, check out myHappiness Program at berkeleywellbeing.com. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201801/how-be-happy-23-ways-be-happier?collection=1122324

A Parent’s Guide To Mental Health For College Students

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By Marcia Morris, M.D.

Talking with parents is something I rarely did when I began my job as a college psychiatrist twenty-five years ago. However, in response to students coming to my office with more complex problems and severe symptoms, I have tried to get parents involved with the hope of strengthening the student’s support system.

Before I call their parents, I have the student sign a release of information form. Then, I usually put their parents on speaker phone with the student in the room. I say something like:

“I recommend your daughter take antidepressants, but she thought you would be against this. I wanted to include you in the discussion as I think it’s important that she start medication, since her depression is making it hard for her to complete her school work. Let’s discuss your concerns and review the risks and benefits of medication.”

Or,

“Your son has been feeling overwhelmed by school and has stopped going to class. Sometimes he has thoughts of hurting himself. We are trying to decide if he should go home or enter the hospital. We wanted your feedback about what you think is best.”

Nowadays, I find myself having more conversations like these with the parents of my patients. While the college years have always been a time when mental health problems can emerge, the problems have escalated in the last seven years according to data from the American College Health Association (ACHA) survey. In the ACHA 2011 National College Health Assessment survey, 21% of college students were diagnosed with at least one mental health disorder, including 12% with anxiety and 11% with depression. By comparison the 2018 survey found 30% of college students were diagnosed with at least one mental health disorder in the last year, including 22% with anxiety and 18% with depression. This shows a significant increase and the need for more support for students, especially during times of increased stress.

So, what specific actions can parents take in the face of rising mental health problems? Can they teach their children coping skills to deal with extreme academic pressure? How do they recognize the difference between a sad mood and depression? Would they know what to say or do if their child expressed suicidal thoughts?

I answer these and other questions in my book, The Campus Cure: A Parent’s Guide to Mental Health and Wellness for College Students. The twelve chapters cover conditions like depression, anxiety, substance abuse and eating disorders; pressures like loneliness, perfectionism, cultural challenges and financial stress; and crises including suicidality, sexual assault and psychosis.

Each chapter tells the story of how a parent helped navigate their child’s journey of recovery. This book is my way of offering hope to parents who often feel overwhelmed and alone when their child struggles. It mentions NAMI and other groups that provide support and guidance to families.

Here are a few tips from the book for parents to prevent, respond to and treat common campus challenges. Remember the five Ts: Tell, Test, Teach, Talk, Take Action.

1. Tell Your Child They Can Come To You With Any Problem.

Your child may avoid sharing problems with you because they think they should be independent or they worry about burdening you. Explain that you can handle any problem they present to you. They can come to you day or night.

2. Test Their Academic Health By Checking Their End Of Semester Grades.

At the start of college, request your child sign a FERPA waiver form allowing you to view grades. I have seen students not tell parents that they are doing poorly or failing, thinking they should be able to solve academic problems on their own. When their grades continue to slide, they could develop symptoms of depression and anxiety. If you’re aware of their academic struggles early on, you can link your child to campus resources like advisors, tutors, professors, success coaches and therapists.

3. Teach Them How To Recognize Depression And Anxiety.

While many parents talk with their children about preventing drug abuse and sexual assault, they rarely educate them about depression and anxiety. You can teach your child the warning signs and that these are common and treatable conditions. With this knowledge, they may seek help more quickly.

4. Talk With Them More Often Or Visit If They Are In Distress.

Some students will inform their parents that they are in distress and ask for help, while other students won’t tell parents until the situation is more serious. Keep in touch by Skype or Facetime or another app, so you can both see their face and hear their voice. Make sure you visit your child in the fall of freshman year either at parents’ weekend or another time, since the first semester of college is a time of high stress. Ask about friends and how they like their classes. If they tell you they are in distress or if you suspect it, encourage them to speak with a counselor. You can also call more often or visit if you are concerned. A visit can provide them enough support to work through a problem and continue to keep up with schoolwork.

5. Take Action If Your Student Is Experiencing High-Risk Mental Health Concerns.

If your child is experiencing severe symptoms of mental illness such as suicidal thoughts or psychosis, it’s essential to ensure they’re actively engaged in treatment. Request they sign a release of information form allowing you to speak with their mental health provider. If you feel your child’s safety is at immediate risk, contact campus police, administration and mental health services.

I am grateful to the parents of the patients I have worked with over the years who have heroically stepped up when their child needed help. My wish is that the stories told in The Campus Curewill offer other parents the hope and skills to help their child’s recovery.

Marcia Morris, M.D. is the author of The Campus Cure: A Parent’s Guide to Mental Health and Wellness for College Students. She is an Associate Professor of Psychiatry and Associate Program Director for Student Health Psychiatry at the University of Florida. Her college parenting blog appears in Psychology Today. 

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/December-2018/A-Parent-s-Guide-to-Mental-Health-for-College-Students

Helping Others To Feel Heard Matters

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By Quinn Anderson

 

Few opportunities in life allow one to feel as if you’ve made a meaningful difference in another’s life. For me, serving as a NAMI HelpLine volunteer is one of them—and this is why I do it.

With an eye to return to school for clinical social work, last year I sought out volunteer opportunities that would allow me to work with people in the mental health community. I learned of NAMI by sheer coincidence, when a friend introduced me to a fellow volunteer. I had never heard of NAMI, and although she spoke enthusiastically of her experience, the idea of manning a phone line to provide “information and resource referral” seemed less than the intimate, learning experience I was seeking.

I couldn’t have been more mistaken. Not a shift ends that I don’t sit back, reflect and thank my lucky stars for having had the chance to help someone that day; to share their frustrations and fears; to ease their pain; to point them toward hope, even if it’s just a little. As a NAMI HelpLine volunteer, I will often be the only voice of hope in the mental health resource chain who treats a caller with kindness, patience and respect.

On the NAMI HelpLine, we act as a compass to begin navigating a complex system of mental health resources—a process that moments before most likely seemed unnavigable and hopeless for the caller. And the calls are endless. You think an hour will go by and the phone lines might be slow, but they never are. There is always a need somewhere. And the needs are as personal as each human. Each call requires intense empathy, compassion, focus, patience and creative problem-solving, within a moment’s grasp. What we do is personal, and I love it.

We live in a world where listening is a dying art. Our callers need to be heard, not merely “listened to.” They need to know their situation matters. Often when I ask a caller, “How can I help you today?” I hear, “I don’t know if you can,” because prior attempts for help have been met with a lack of compassion and/or respect. Often, our callers have complex circumstances and the stakes are very high.

As a NAMI HelpLine volunteer, at the very least I need to listen and be kind; to let callers know I’m not going anywhere, and I’m going to do my very best to figure things out with them. I genuinely care to go the extra mile, by making sure the caller is okay and that they feel they’ve been heard before I say goodbye.

Almost every call closes with the caller sharing, “I can’t thank you enough. Before I called you, I didn’t know where to start. You’ve helped me so much.” I cannot fully describe how good it feels to be able to speak with a caller—who at the beginning of a call feels helpless and lost—and help empower them with a sense of dignity, calm and hope by the end of the call.

Each volunteer comes to the NAMI HelpLine with “lived” experience. Either we live with, care for, or have cared for a loved one with a mental health condition. We know personally the challenges, heart ache, devastation, helplessness and hopelessness. We are both compassionate and passionate about helping others who call us and are seeking help, because we’ve been there.

I have lived with clinical depression most of my life, and more recently, with anxiety and panic attacks. I understand all too well the loss of vitality, the desperation, the fear, the self-imposed shame and isolation,  the fatigue of living each day bearing the weight of “okay-ness,” the frustration of losing weeks, months and even years to mental illness.

Worse, I know the frustration of working with psychiatrists who seemed to be little more than “dispensaries,” and what it is like to live with the denial that I didn’t need medication (only to finally give in and accept that I couldn’t live well without it). I know the impatience one experiences while waiting for a new medication to kick-in and what it’s like living through the side-effects. I know the desperation when a medication doesn’t work, and the ultimate relief when one finally does work. I know the incredible fortune of having the resources and resilience to find those gifted practitioners who were empathetic, caring healers who worked patiently with me to help me live a fulfilling life in every way. All of this has made me a more empathetic HelpLine volunteer. I field similar concerns every shift. And I am willing to share my story if it helps to alleviate fears.

Prior to my affiliation with NAMI, I had no knowledge of the many resources, both public and private, available to our callers. After almost a year on the NAMI HelpLine, it still amazes me how many resources there are, yet how little is known to most people. I wish I had learned many years ago of some that I now share with callers. It would have made my journey that much more bearable, or at the very least, to know that I wasn’t alone. And that I was heard.

 

Quinn Anderson is a NAMI Helpline Volunteer.

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/August-2018-/Helping-Others-to-Feel-Heard-Matters

The Life Vest of Support

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By Kate Mallow

 

One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling like you’re all alone. Feeling like nobody could possibly understand what you’re going through or identify with the deep, drowning pain you feel. Throughout my life and journey with mental illness, I’ve felt this way more times than I’d like to admit. With help from my mom, friends, therapy, medication and working in the mental health field, I’ve always managed to come out of those dark moments and even help others who’ve felt the same.

When my father died by suicide last year, I was thrown into a new kind of deep pain. I had helped countless others over the years who had experienced suicidal ideation or lost loved ones to suicide, but actually going through it myself left me feeling confused and unsupported. I’ve heard that mental illness is “not a greeting card illness,” and I think that rings true for suicide survivors as well. There is no card in existence offering condolences to family members who lose someone to suicide.

Fortunately, at the time of my father’s death, I was working for NAMI and my coworkers and supervisors throughout the organization offered empathy and compassion. I imagine others don’t experience such understanding at other organizations that aren’t so well-informed about mental health and suicide. Still, I found myself unsure of who to go to for support. I felt awkward, as if people weren’t sure what to say to me or what kind of condolence to offer. Again, mental illness isn’t seen as a “greeting card” or “casserole” illness; although, a well-meaning neighbor did leave a shrimp platter on my mother’s doorstep.

While I have been immersed in the mental health field—both personally and professionally—for over ten years, my mom had never seen a mental health professional or spoken openly about mental health before my father’s suicide. Almost immediately after he passed, we both began to research support groups and ways to connect with others who had gone through a similar experience. My mom found a support group for survivors of suicide, and through it, met other women who had unexpectedly lost their long-term partners to suicide. At a time when she was feeling most alone, she found peers who could relate to her story and throw her a life vest when she felt like she was drowning in an ocean of isolation.

For me, the most powerful support came from a friend and former NAMI HelpLine volunteer who had also recently lost a parent to suicide. Knowing that there was someone who could relate to my experience, and not judge me for my messy tangle of confusing feelings, made all the difference in the world. That’s the power of peer support. Talking to mental health professionals and receiving various treatments can be an important piece to one’s recovery journey, but there is a special power in talking to others who have been in and through similar situations.

Now I work for an organization that highlights the importance of peer support as a key piece to mental health recovery. At 7 Cups, I work with thousands of volunteers all over the world who both give and receive peer support for their mental health. It shouldn’t be difficult to access and connect with someone who can relate to your struggle. That’s what my friend did for me, and that’s what I hope to be able to do for others who have mental health conditions or lost loved ones to suicide. All it takes is one person to say “I get it” to know that you are not alone.

 

Kate Mallow works with 7 Cups as their Group Support and Teen Community Manager where she combines her passions for mental health and working with volunteers. She has experience working as a crisis counselor with suicide prevention hotlines and has worked with national mental health organizations such as NAMI. 

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/August-2018-/The-Life-Vest-of-Support

Intimacy Begins Within

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By: Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.

When we think about intimate relationships, most of us think first of intimacy between partners or friends. Personal intimacy is a state in which two individuals are truly able to let down their outer layers of defense and protection and allow themselves to let the other see him or her as she truly is while being able to create the space in which her partner feels safe enough to do the same.

Personal intimacy is about being willing to let someone see you as you truly are while being willing to let yourself see that person as he or she truly is. It is about lack of artifice or protection and requires great courage for most people as it lays raw the bits and pieces of ourselves and our history that we would rather others not realize we carry with us.

Self-Intimacy: Not as Simple as it Sounds

Although establishing intimacy with another person can take significant courage, being open to self-intimacy can be a surprisingly challenging task. It seems that there are two extremes when it comes to self-examination—whether it’s literal mirror-gazing or inner reflecting. On one extreme are those of us who look into a mirror and notice every flaw—whether it’s laughlines, blemishes, asymmetrical features, whatever. Then there are others of us who just steal a quick glance to make sure there’s nothing too horrifying or embarrassing about our appearance and dash out the door.

Being somewhere in between these two extremes is the most effective standpoint for building an intimate connection with your inner self. You have to be able to see yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you for who you are and who knows what you are worth. Self-esteem develops based on how we perceive that others perceive us. Self-intimacy requires that we see ourselves as we truly know ourselves to be.

Taking Time to Establish Self-Intimacy is Important

When we do not give ourselves time alone for reflection and self-intimacy, we are letting ourselves off too easy in life and not holding ourselves up to the inner scrutiny that allows us the space to acknowledge and address the areas in which we may need to grow. We also need time alone with ourselves to reconnect with who we are when we “show up” in relationships with others.

By intentionally choosing to spend time alone, you are also acknowledging the worth of your personhood—and the value inherent in being who you are. The need to surround yourself with the company of others often reflects needs to measure self-worth by popularity or to provide “evidence” of your social desirability.

It’s okay to enjoy spending time with those who care about you, this also should include enjoying spending time alone with yourself.

Suggestions for Making Space for Healthy Solitude and Self-Intimacy

It’s important that each of us finds time to sit and to simply “be” in our own skin. Maybe you find a connection to yourself through meditation, through quiet reflection, or through intentional self-exploration. The point of healthy inner solitude is to provide a space to explore the pieces of yourself that you treasure or that you wish you could change.

Healthy solitude is not about beating up on yourself for past mistakes or behaviors, dragging yourself down as you review your perceived missteps or failings, or ruminating on interactions that have not gone as you would have liked. It is meant to be a space of acceptance of self where plans for life changes are also developed.

  1. A good habit to encourage healthy solitude is scheduling daily reflective walks that allow you space to quietly review a particular aspect of your life or self that needs attention. These walks can be built into your regular routine—walking to your office from the parking lot (just pay attention to the traffic and do be careful) is one way to make space for personal intimacy.
  2. Taking five minutes at the start or end of your lunch break can also be a space in which you can “turn over the rocks and stones” and see what’s hidden or building up within you.
  3. Creating a journaling space in your life – at night before you go to bed or on your tablet, smartphone, or laptop, right after you clock out at work or in the morning ten minutes before you begin your workday are three different options for building in the personal solitude that grows increasingly necessary as our lives and technology grow increasingly intertwined.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201801/intimacy-begins-within

How Easy It Is To Neglect Your Mental Health

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By Trevor McDonald

We all know what taking care of our physical health looks like: eating right, exercising regularly and getting plenty of sleep. But do you know how to take care of your mental health? Neglecting your mental health can be easy, especially since it’s not something we are always taught or reminded to prioritize. However, taking a step back and examining your mental health is key to a happy and healthy life.

If you think you might be neglecting your mental health, here are a few reasons why—and what to do about it.

You’re Too Busy

It’s all too common to put your mental health on the backburner. Between family responsibilities, work obligations, and social situations, it’s no wonder why very few of us actually find time in the day to take care of our mental health. But in the end, if taking care of your mental health is a priority, as it should be, you will find the time.

You can take small breaks throughout the day to do what makes you feel good. Have a standing appointment with your therapist on the calendar. Turn off your phone for a little while. Hit the gym. Or pour yourself a warm bath with a cup of tea. No matter what your version of self-care looks like, make sure to do it routinely.

It’s Taboo To Talk About Your Feelings

So many of us, especially men, are taught to not talk about our feelings. From a very young age, we’re told to “just suck it up” and that showing any kind of emotion is weak. But this is an extremely detrimental thought, both to our relationships and our mental health. Emotions are a key aspect of connection and connection is a key aspect of mental health.

To fight this common misconception, start having more conversations about mental health. Depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions are not a choice, but rather a state of being. If you live with mental illness (or not), you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about your feelings and experiences.

You’re Not Sure Who To Talk To

Should you talk to a friend about how you’re feeling? A family member? A professional therapist? All of these are good options, depending on your needs. For example, if you think you have a mental illness, it’s best to consult a mental health professional.

If your mind is full of thoughts that keep spinning around and around, talking it out and discussing your fears, anxieties, ambitions and goals, can help you to slow down your thoughts. With the help of your confidant, you can tackle them in a practical way.

You Can’t Afford To Care

Maybe you’re one of the many people who wants professional counseling but can’t afford it. Mental health care can be expensive. However, you should know there are options.

If you have health insurance, there are many mental health professionals who offer counseling at a discounted rate depending on your financial need. This is referred to as “sliding scale” and you can inquire with the provider what the adjusted rate would be. If you don’t have insurance, you can start by reaching out to your local social services agency by dialing 211. If you’re a student, you can talk to someone at your school’s student health center.

There are also options to talk to others about your mental health beyond professional counseling. You can join a free support group or call a warmline: a phone line where trained volunteers offer support.

There are many reasons why we continue to neglect our mental health, but what really matters is how to end that behavior. Take a second to check in with yourself and if you feel like you are neglecting your mental health, develop an action plan to change that!

Trevor is a freelance writer and recovering addict & alcoholic who has been clean and sober for over five years. He is currently an Outreach Coordinator for Sober Nation. Since his recovery began, he has enjoyed using his talent for words to help spread treatment resources, addiction awareness, and general health knowledge. In his free time, you can find him working with recovering addicts or outside enjoying about any type of fitness activity imaginable.

 

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/December-2018/How-Easy-it-is-to-Neglect-Your-Mental-Health

30 questions to ask your kid instead of “How was your day?”

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When I picked my son up from his first day of 4th grade, my usual (enthusiastically delivered) question of “how was your day?” was met with his usual (indifferently delivered) “fine.”

Come on! It’s the first day, for crying out loud! Give me something to work with, would you, kid?

The second day, my same question was answered, “well, no one was a jerk.”

That’s good… I guess.

I suppose the problem is my own. That question doesn’t really do much for our kids. Far from a conversation starter, it’s uninspired, overwhelmingly open ended and frankly, completely boring.

So as an alternative, I’ve compiled a list of questions that my kid will answer with more than a single word or grunt. In fact, he debated his response to question eight for at least half an hour over the weekend.

Questions a kid will answer at the end of a long school day:

  1. What did you eat for lunch?
  2. Did you catch anyone doing something funny?
  3. What games did you play at recess?
  4. What was the funniest thing that happened today?
  5. Did anyone do anything super nice for you?
  6. What was the nicest thing you did for someone else?
  7. Who made you smile today?
  8. Which one of your teachers would survive a zombie apocalypse? Why?
  9. What new fact did you learn today?
  10. Who brought the best food in their lunch today? What was it?
  11. What challenged you today?
  12. If school were a ride at the fair, which ride would it be? Why?
  13. What would you rate your day on a scale of 1 to 10? Why?
  14. If one of your classmates could be the teacher for the day who would you want it to be? Why?
  15. If you had the chance to be the teacher tomorrow, what would you teach the class?
  16. Did anyone push your buttons today?
  17. Who do you want to make friends with but haven’t yet? Why not?
  18. What is your teacher’s most important rule?
  19. What is the most popular thing to do at recess?
  20. Does your teacher remind you of anyone else you know? How?
  21. Tell me something you learned about a friend today.
  22. What was your favorite subject to study today? Why?
  23. What is one thing you did today that was helpful?
  24. When did you feel most proud of yourself today?
  25. What rule was the hardest to follow today?
  26. What is one thing you hope to learn before the school year is over?
  27. Which person in your class is your exact opposite?
  28. Which area of your school is the most fun?
  29. Which playground skill do you plan to master this year?
  30. Does anyone in your class have a hard time following the rules?

https://www.mother.ly/child/30-questions-to-ask-your-kid-instead-of-how-was-your-day