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Why Do We Have The Feeling That We Are Not Enough?

June 22, 2018/in Issues de Jour/by Marketing

Mike believed he had a good life and felt lucky for all the things he had. He was married to a loving wife, had a good job, owned a nice house and had three healthy kids.

Despite all his good fortune, Mike could not shake the nagging feeling that he wasn’t enough: “I should be more successful. I should make more money. I should be where my boss is. I should have a graduate degree. I should have a bigger house. I should have more friends.” These were some of the “shoulds” that plagued him daily.

“Could I get you curious about this part of you that feels inadequate?” I asked Mike during our first meeting. “Let yourself travel back in time. How old were you when you first felt ‘not enough?’”

He paused to reflect. “It’s definitely been with me a long time,” he said. “Maybe six or eight years old?”

Mike’s father had become extremely successful when Mike was six years old. Because of his father’s new job, his family moved to an exotic country where no one spoke English. Mike was scared and felt like a stranger. Even though he attended an international school, he had no friends for a long time.

His parents pushed him; they meant well and were trying to encourage him. But feeling scared and overwhelmed by the many changes in his life, he misinterpreted their words as disappointment that he wasn’t enough—it was the familiar feeling he still had today.

Showing Self-Compassion

We are not born feeling inadequate. Life experiences and emotions create that sense within us in a variety of ways. For example, when we were little, and we felt afraid or anxious, our mind told us something was wrong with us, not our environment. A child’s mind, not yet rational, concludes, “There must be something wrong with me if I feel so bad.” That’s why children who were abused or neglected grow up to be adults who carry so much shame. They likely spent years telling themselves: “I must be bad if I’m being treated badly.”

As adults, armed with education on emotions and how childhood adversity affects the brain, we can understand that feeling “not enough” is a byproduct of an environment that was insufficient. We are in fact enough! Yet to feel more solid, we must work to transform that “not enough” feeling.

One way to transform old beliefs is to work with them as separate parts of ourselves. With some mental energy, we can externalize ailing parts of us and then relate to them in ways that heal old wounds.

For example, I asked Mike, “Can you imagine that the 6-year-old boy inside you, who feels ‘not enough,’ is sitting on my sofa over there so we can be with him and try to help him?”

With practice, Mike learned to connect, listen and communicate with that part of himself. Offering compassion to the child inside himself helped him feel much better, even though he had struggled with the concept initially.

Since emotions are physical sensations, another way to work with wounded parts is through the body. Mike learned to recognize how “not enough” physically felt. “It’s like an emptiness—like a hole inside. I know I’ve been successful at times, and I believe my family loves me. Emotionally, it doesn’t feel that way at all. Good stuff comes in, but it goes right through me like a bucket with a hole. I’m never filled.”

To help patch the hole in his bucket, I helped Mike develop his capacity to hold onto good feelings by noticing them. “If you recognize and validate your accomplishments, what does that feel like inside?”

“I feel taller,” said Mike.

“Can you stay with the feeling of being taller for just ten seconds?”

Like a form of training, he built his capacity to experience positive feelings. Going slowly, we practiced noticing sensations associated with pride, love, gratitude and joy—getting used to them a little at a time.

What Else Can We Do To Help The Parts Of Us That Feel “Not Enough?”

We can remind ourselves again and again that our feelings of “not enough” were learned. It’s not objective fact, even when it feels so instinctually true.
We can connect to the part of us that feels bad and offer it compassion, like we would for our child, partner, colleague, friend or pet.
We can practice deeply belly breathing, five or six times in a row, to calm our nervous system.
We can exercise to get adrenaline flowing and create a sense of empowerment.
We can remember this very helpful phrase: “Compare and Despair!” When you catch yourself making comparisons to others, STOP! It only hurts, by fueling feelings and thoughts of “not enough.”

In the long run, we heal the parts of us that feel inadequate by first becoming aware of them. Once aware, we can listen to them and try to fully understand the story of how they came to believe they were “not enough.” Over time, by naming, validating and processing the associated emotions both from the past and present, “not enough” can become enough.

(Patient details are always changed to protect privacy)

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/June-2018/Why-Do-We-Have-the-Feeling-that-We-Are-Not-Enough

Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, is the author of It’s Not Always Depression (Random House & Penguin UK), a book which teaches both the general public and psychotherapists about emotions and how to work with them to feel better. She received her BA in biochemistry from Wesleyan University and an MSW from Fordham University. She is a certified psychoanalyst and AEDP psychotherapist and supervisor. She has published articles in The New York Times and professional journals. Hendel was also the Mental Health Consultant on AMC’s Mad Men. She lives in New York City. For more information and free resources for mental health visit: https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/

Why Suicide Reporting Guidelines Matter

June 19, 2018/in Academic Struggles/by Marketing

Many people have a difficult time understanding why the words we use are so important, especially on a topic like suicide. How can certain images or words influence a person’s willingness to take their own life? How can one suicide lead to another? How can conversations, articles, personal stories and media coverage about suicide carry so much influence?

The fact is: how we talk about, write about and report on suicide matters. For someone already considering suicide, it’s possible to change their thoughts into action by exposing them to detailed suicide-related content, including graphic depictions or explanations of the death or revealing the method used. The recent tragedies are an unfortunate example of this. Two days after the media irresponsibly reported on Kate Spade’s death by suicide, Anthony Bourdain used the same method to end his life.

Tragic events like this are why leading experts in suicide prevention, international suicide prevention and public health organizations, schools of journalism, media organizations, key journalists and Internet safety experts all came together to create research-based recommendations on how to safely report on suicide. The suicide prevention guidelines exist for a reason—to save lives.

Suicide Contagion Is Real

According to the Recommendations for Reporting on Suicide: “More than 50 research studies worldwide have found that certain types of news coverage can increase the likelihood of suicide in vulnerable individuals.” This phenomenon is referred to as suicide contagion and “the magnitude of the increase is related to the amount, duration and prominence of coverage.”

A key phrase here is “vulnerable individuals.” The people affected by suicide contagion are likely already thinking about suicide. They may be experiencing a mental illness or substance use disorder and be switching medications and be in a fight with their spouse or parent and be struggling to make ends’ meet and then they’re prompted to end their life because of what they saw on social media while scrolling through their news feed. In other words, suicide is usually the result of a multitude of factors—and the media’s irresponsible reporting can be one of them.

“The outpouring of collective grief, the tendency to present or discuss the person in almost beatific ways and physical memorials or ceremonies celebrating their lives are common practice,” says psychologist Paul Surgenor, suicide prevention expert. “And unfortunately, for someone who can only see pain, isolation and rejection, this level of adoration may seem preferable to their current state.”

Seeing sensationalized headlines and reporting about a celebrity who ended their life can make a person who’s already struggling believe that they can do it, too. That “it’s okay.” That “it’s easy.” And not only that but learning the method of how a person died by suicide shows how to do it—what “works.”

When Robin Williams’ died by suicide in 2014, suicides using the same method increased by 32% in the months following his death. That’s not a coincidence. It’s also not a coincidence that suicide contagion is also known as “copycat suicide.”

How To Talk About Suicide

The main message of any article, video or TV show about suicide should be to encourage people to get help when they need it and where to look for that help by including local and national hotline numbers or other crisis resources. Here are some other important recommendations to follow.

Inform, Don’t Sensationalize

Don’t include suicide in the headline. For example, “Kate Spade Dead at 55.”
Don’t use images of the location or method of death, grieving loved ones, memorials or funerals; instead use school, work or family photos.
If there was a note from the deceased, do not detail what the note contained or refer to it as a “suicide note.”

Choose Your Words Carefully

When describing research or studies on suicide, use words like “increase” or “rise” rather than “epidemic” or “skyrocketing.”
Do not refer to suicide as “successful,” “unsuccessful” or a “failed attempt.” Do not use the term “committed suicide.” Instead use “died by suicide,” “completed suicide,” “killed him/herself,” or “ended his/her life.”
Do not describe a suicide as “inexplicable” or “without warning.”

Report on Suicide as a Public Health Issue

Include the warning signs of suicide and a “what to do” sidebar, if possible.
Do not report on suicide the same way you would report a crime.
Seek advice from suicide prevention experts rather than quoting/interviewing police or first responders.

Suicide is not a subject that should be avoided, but rather, handled carefully and thoughtfully—the way the suicide guidelines have clearly outlined. For those who believe the recommendations were created to prevent offensive language or spare people’s feelings, please keep in mind that their purpose is so much more than that. This is not a matter of being “politically correct.” It’s a matter of saving lives.

If you are thinking about suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255).

Laura Greenstein is communications manager at NAMI.

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/June-2018/Why-Suicide-Reporting-Guidelines-Matter

6 Homeless LGBTQ Youths Share Their Stories

June 15, 2018/in Academic Struggles/by Marketing

When photographer Letizia Mariotti began meeting homeless LGBTQ youth in New York City, she felt a duty to help spread their stories.

She began photographing the queer youth she encountered at LGBTQ gathering places and interviewing them about their experiences. All of the subjects of her photos live, or at one point have lived, at the Ali Forney Center, which serves LGBTQ youths in New York. The majority of them have faced rejection from their families because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

“I want parents of LGBTQ kids to understand the tragic scope of this problem and the profound influence family acceptance plays in the lives of the LGBTQ youth,” Mariotti told HuffPost. “I want them to understand that an indecently high percentage of the LGBTQ youth suffer emotional abuse and violence first from their parents, relatives, and the communities they live in.”

With 40 percent of homeless youth identifying as LGBTQ, Mariotti hopes her project can help others see these individuals clearly and compassionately.

“People need to be less judgmental and more accepting,” she said. “People need to stop seeing the world in stereotypes, stop trying to define what ‘normal’ looks like.”

Check out photos and excerpts from interviews with the young people featured in Mariotti’s project below.

Alexander, 24 (Man With Trans Experience)

Letizia Mariotti

“I started transitioning at 18. In Florida, at the time, trans-identified people were not really protected. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and also gender identity disorder. Nowadays they categorize it as gender identity dysphoria. It’s a big difference.

“My mom was not accepting of me. But me liking someone of the same sex or gender was not the biggest issue. The problem was more me representing very masculine. She said to me once, ‘If you are going to like girls, then why don’t you look like one?’ She couldn’t understand. She was abusive both verbally and physically. After a while, it got to a point where it was too much. I couldn’t be myself. So I left.

“My time as a homeless was hard. I didn’t know if I was going to make it. Many times I thought my mental health was not going to allow me to get out of this situation. What kept me going is the knowledge that I had goals. I really wanted to get out of the shelter system.

“For a lot of people, what is missing is the hope. And hope is necessary to get out of these situations.”
Cyrus, 18 (Trans Male)

Letizia Mariotti

“I didn’t even know what being gay or being trans meant until I was about 15 years old because it was a bad thing to know in my family. Even though I knew my whole life that I was attracted to women, I didn’t know there was a label and I didn’t know it was normal.

“Before I came out as trans, I was identifying as a lesbian. And when my parents found out, it didn’t go well at all for me. They deleted all my social media accounts and they wouldn’t let me leave the house alone. I was not allowed to see my friends anymore. So, after a while, I got so angry that I got into a huge argument with my mom. We got a little bit physical and my dad decided to send me into a psychiatric hospital. In total, I went to five of them.

“Because I wanted to further my transition, get surgery and start hormones, I knew I couldn’t stay at home. My dad doesn’t want me confusing my younger siblings or our family members. So I had to go.”
Frankie, 19 (Non-Binary Trans)

Letizia Mariotti

“My parents tried to ignore what they called ‘my lifestyle’ and pretended that it would go away. Growing up, I started to be more unapologetic with who I am. I wasn’t hiding. So the tension at home just kept rising until one day my mom just exploded on me. She told me to leave and not come back.

“Being homeless is very scary. You have no security and you can only keep what you can hold in a bag or a suitcase. Money is also a problem. I did sex work for a few months. It was dangerous. I had a lot of encounters that were very bad, but I made money from it and I was able to buy food.

“Now I am lucky I don’t have to do it because I have a stable housing and a job.”
Eli, 17 (Gender Non-Conforming)

Letizia Mariotti

“I grew up in an Orthodox family. So when I was discovering my identity, I had to keep a lot of things secret. …

“During my last year of high school, I came out to my parents. They weren’t supportive of it. They thought it was a phase that would go away or something that I should religiously keep under wraps and not act on it. Most of the times, they pulled the insanity card, saying things like I am not thinking clearly or people that I am around changed my point of view. …

“This has been really hard for me mentally. I was sent to a religious school in Israel. But I got kicked out after just two days because of my gender identity. I told one of the social workers there, because I didn’t want to keep it secret anymore.

“I booked a plane ticket and instead of going back home, I came here to New York City. I guess you could just say I ran away.”
Rose, 19 (Trans Woman)

Letizia Mariotti

“I realized from a very young age about my trans identity because I was surrounded by a lot of things in my childhood that forced me to mature early. I think that is why I began transitioning so young at age 13. After my parents’ death, I socially came out.

“When I started transitioning, I was mostly on my own because I didn’t have anyone to talk to. So it took me a while to figure things out. I knew about hormones and I wanted to go on them, but I couldn’t see a doctor. At 14, I managed to get black market hormones. But since I wasn’t able to get a steady supply, it didn’t last long.

“Only at 17, I was able to really start and stay on hormones. For a while, my cousin took care of me, but she didn’t know how to help me and she didn’t have any understanding for me being trans. That made things tense and difficult between us. So last summer, I came to the Ali Forney Center to try to get myself together.

“To get money, I was doing sex work. I did it on and off because I have a lot of social anxiety in general, so trying to find clients to have sex with for money was difficult for me. I would get a lot of money for it … but then I wouldn’t see anyone for weeks after that. And when I was really broke, I just went back on doing it. Sex work is very prevalent in the trans community.”
Je’jae, 24 (Non-Binary)

Letizia Mariotti

“At 18, I was sent to Israel on some heritage trip like a lot of young Jewish people do. The religious community where I lived forced me into it. It was also a period where I was really struggling with my sexuality. And within an environment that was telling me that I should feel ashamed, I started feeling really suicidal.

“I went through two years of shaming from our rabbi ‘therapist’ in Israel. It’s what they call ‘conversion therapy.’ In other words, it’s only physical and emotional abuse. I felt scared and trapped. It took me nearly two years to have the courage to leave that place and to tell my ‘therapist’ that I didn’t want to hide anymore. … This man, who was supposed to be my mentor, shamed me. He said that I would grow up being alone, that I was a sick and an unnatural person.

“When I came back from Israel, as I was more open about my gender identity, my mom really started to have greater problems with me and she became even more emotionally abusive. And a year and a half ago, she locked the door on me.

“That’s when I became homeless for three months.”

#TheFutureIsQueer is HuffPost’s monthlong celebration of queerness, not just as an identity but as action in the world. Find all of our Pride Month coverage here.

By James Michael Nichols

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/homeless-lgbtq-youth_us_5b228f53e4b09d7a3d7b22e0

Is It A Mental Health Problem? Or Just Puberty?

June 1, 2018/in Academic Struggles, Depression + Anxiety/by Marketing

We’re seeing epidemic levels of stress in children and teenagers, with increasing rates of clinical depression, anxiety and other coping problems. Fear, uncertainty and lack of control—factors that power stress—are ramped up in times of rapid, unpredictable change. And puberty is a time of massive change: hormonal, physical, sexual, social, cognitive and neurological.

Puberty brings a level of volatility in attitudes, behavior, responsibility and moods that can look and feel like mental illness. Most parents experience at least some moments of concern for their children’s mental health during the puberty ages of 11 to 14. But, should you? Or is your child experiencing a normal transition into adulthood?

It isn’t always easy to distinguish between the typical moodiness of puberty and mental health conditions that require professional attention. If you’re wondering about your child’s behaviors, here are some questions to ask yourself. They provide a good starting point for understanding how serious the problems might be, and whether you should seek professional help:

Does your child have at least one good friend? Although most young teens prefer popularity, one close friend is enough to get through puberty with resilience. If your child has no friends, that’s often a sign of isolation, and a strong reason to consider professional help.
Does your child have at least one adult they can talk to? This might be a parent, another relative, a teacher, or someone else—someone who can provide wisdom and support.
Does your child have at least one activity that engages them? One productive area of interest can sustain a young person through tough times. It might be a sport, the arts, a school subject, gardening, anything that involves thinking, learning and developing competence.
Is your child ever happy? It’s normal for pre-teens and early-teens to express more irritability, annoyance and anger (especially with their parents). But if your child never seems happy or contented, that is cause for concern.
Is your child engaging in self-harm? This includes alcohol, drugs and other toxic substances; cutting; sexual promiscuity; and self-sabotage like skipping school. It’s normal for a child to be curious about these things, but it’s time to seek help if you think your child’s well-being is threatened by dependence on any of these activities.

If your child does have an effective network of social support—including at least one friend and one adult they can talk to—is happily engaged in one or more productive activity and is not engaging in self-harming activities, you’re likely dealing with “normal” puberty. However, that doesn’t mean your child doesn’t need your help.

How To Support Resilience In Your Early Adolescent

There has been considerable research done showing that parents can make a difference in their children’s ability to handle stress, thereby minimizing the likelihood of mental health difficulties. Here are some ideas for supporting resilience in your child, whether or not they’re experiencing a mental health condition:

Listen

Being available when your children need you can make the difference between a good decision and a dangerous one. Be fully present when your teen wants to talk and be fully positive. Tweens are painfully aware of others’ perceptions and believe that everyone is looking at them with critical or even mocking eyes. Make sure your teen feels your positive gaze. No criticism, no judgement, no distractions.

Strive For Balance

We all need balance in our lives, but that’s especially true for early adolescents. Make sure your young teenager has opportunities for quiet reflection, ample sleep, regular outdoor exercise and good nutrition. Practice breathing techniques, and other mindfulness skills. You’ll be better at managing your own stress, and you’ll provide your teenager with a good model of coping with their ups-and-downs.

Welcome Conflict

Respect your child’s need to create their own unique blend of mainstream values with your family’s values. If you’re an immigrant, single parent, member of a cultural or religious minority or in a same-sex relationship, your child may feel a conflict between their home values and their peers’ values. A friendly debate is a great way for your teenager to discover what you care about, and why it’s worth caring about. You’re likely doing a good job of parenting if you and your teenager can argue, but there’s still love and warmth in your home.

Own The Parenting Space

Tweens and teens can appear to take pleasure from pushing your buttons. But on a deeper level, they need you to stay strong and calm. Just like a toddler who challenges the rules, teens feel safest when they know they can trust you to be solid no matter what grief they give you. That applies whether or not your child is dealing with a diagnosed mental health condition.

The years from 11 to 14 can be highly stressful for children as well as their parents. Unfortunately, there isn’t an easy or simple template for parents to determine whether or not their child has a diagnosable problem—that’s something only a mental health professional can do. You can, however, support your child’s resilience, and help them get through adolescence as smoothly as possible.

Dona Matthews, PhD, has been working with children, adolescents, families, and schools since 1990. In addition to running a busy private practice, she was the Executive Director of the Millennium Dialogue on Early Child Development at the University of Toronto, and the founding Director of the Hunter College Center for Gifted Studies and Education, City University of New York. She writes a regular column for PsychologyToday.com, has published dozens of articles and book chapters, and is the co-author of these books: Beyond Intelligence: Secrets of Raising Happily Productive Kids; Being Smart about Gifted Education; The Development of Giftedness and Talent across the Life Span; and The Routledge International Companion to Gifted Education.

You Can’t Plan For Mental Illness

May 29, 2018/in Academic Struggles/by Marketing

My 5-year plan after finishing high school was simple: graduate from college in four years, then begin graduate school directly following graduation. It was easy for me to imagine a 5-year plan at 18 years old when my toughest challenge at that point had been taming my frizzy hair.

My first two years of college were very successful. I made close friends, was hired by my college as a writing tutor and connected with teachers and administrators in the school district I wanted to eventually work in. I was right on track with my 5-year plan.

During my third year of college, however, the mass shooting occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I felt a very deep connection to the event and in the following months, I noticed that I was on high-alert in public areas. I worried for my safety.

A few months later, I learned about the Boston Marathon bombing when I was in my college’s library. I immediately looked at the entrance to the library and wondered where I would hide if a shooter came through the door. A habit of making “escape plans” in my head became uncontrollable. I created them for any public place, and I avoided walking in open spaces and going out at night. Each night, I dreamt that I was trying to escape from a mass shooting; even in my sleep, I couldn’t shake this overwhelming fear.

Looking back, I can see the warning signs that I needed help. I didn’t tell anyone about the thoughts and feelings I was having because I didn’t want people to think I was “unstable.” Admitting to myself or to others that something was wrong could jeopardize my 5-year plan. I told myself that all college students felt this kind of stress, and that I’d feel better when the semester ended.

My junior year ended, but instead of feeling better, I felt significantly worse. I experienced severe panic attacks, paranoia and anxietythat made it impossible for me to drive, work or stay home alone. After I sought treatment with a therapist and psychiatrist, they recommended I check myself into a psychiatric hospital, so doctors could balance my medication, and I could learn skills to help manage my anxiety. I would be hospitalized five times, spending nearly three months in the hospital. My worst day was when I had to withdraw from my senior year. It felt like years of hard work just slipped away.

I questioned: Why didn’t I seek help sooner?

After my last hospitalization, I immediately re-enrolled in classes. I didn’t give myself the chance to heal because I wanted so badly to get back on track with my 5-year plan. Because I wasn’t working on my mental health, I struggled through two classes, and I wasn’t enjoying school like I did before.

One day, I finally accepted that if I kept putting my education before my mental health, I could risk having another breakdown. I decided to take medical leave from school; I needed to focus on my mental health and regain my strength and confidence. For the next two years, I attended therapy, worked with my psychiatrist, adopted a psychiatric service dog, discovered skills to help me cope and practiced self-care. Eventually, I felt like myself again.

So, I began college again last year. This time, I felt ready. I will be graduating this December with a B.S. in Community and Human Services. The deadline of my 5-year plan has long passed, and my life has not gone as I planned, but I am happy, healthy and have a mission to end the stigma surrounding mental illness. Battling mental illness and maintaining mental health is an ongoing part of my life, but the struggles I faced have put me on the path I’m meant to be on.

For example, I recently became a young adult speaker for NAMI Ending the Silence. I travel to high schools to share my journey with mental illness and talk to students about mental health and stigma. The experience has been life-changing. For years, my goal has been to help people, and through NAMI Ending the Silence and blogging, I am making a difference. I believe that talking openly about mental health issues will end stigma and lead to more effective treatment for mental illness.

Please, if you’re experiencing symptoms or warning signs of a mental illness, seek help as soon as possible. Your mental health is farmore important than your 5-year plan. I’ve learned that college can wait—treating mental illness cannot.

Allie Quinn is a mental health blogger, public speaker, and young adult presenter with NAMI’s Ending the Silence. She works to educate people about the realities of living with a mental illness and raises awareness about the use of psychiatric service dogs. Allie’s mental health blog is Redefine Mental Health.

How Schools Can Help Students Respond To Suicide

May 22, 2018/in Academic Struggles, Grief & Loss/by Marketing

The rate of teen suicide has steadily increased since 2005. Among youth ages 15-24 years old, suicide is the second leading cause of death. A ripple effect of needs is created when a teenage suicide death occurs. Responding appropriately is critical to ensuring that everyone affected—family, friends and the school community—receives the right type and amount of support.

Grief can have a profound impact on students and may create new mental health issues or worsen existing conditions. Additional factors must also be addressed, including identifying students who may be at risk for taking a similar path (also known as suicidal ideation or suicide contagion).

Professor Ron Avi Astor, who recently spoke with USC’s online MSW program, believes that suicidal ideation is often thought of as just an individual issue treated only in counseling, but schools can help a great deal by addressing possible peer and social dynamics that may contribute to stronger suicidal ideation.

However, many educators feel ill-prepared to help their grieving students, and many school districts aren’t offering the necessary training. The National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement (NCSCB) offers a number of guides for schools, administrators and staff that explain how to respond to crises such as a death in a school. These guides incorporate psychological first aid models, which outline steps to help grieving students through a school crisis, including:

Listen: Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues from students that show stress and make yourself available to talk.
Protect: Answer questions honestly and communicate what is being done to keep students safe.
Connect: Keep communication open with other adults, find resources that can offer support and help restore student activities that encourage interaction with friends.
Model: Be aware of your own reactions to crises and demonstrate how to cope in a healthy way.
Teach: Help students identify positive coping mechanisms and celebrate small achievements as they begin to get through each day successfully.

When suicide is involved, more effective and specific interventions are needed to address school environments and peer dynamics. As an example, it’s critical for educators and other adults to be able to identify whether a student is at higher risk for suicide contagion. According to the NCSCB, there are certain signs that indicate risk for extreme emotional distress during this time.

Outlined in its Guidelines on Response for Death by Suicide, those signs include:

Presence of a mental health condition, particularly depression;
Thoughts or talk about suicide or dying;
Changes in behavior, such as extreme acting out or withdrawal from others;
Impulsive and high-risk behaviors, such as increased alcohol or substance abuse;
Talk of a foreshortened future, with an inability to see their place in it.

As the NCSCB notes, “If school staff and other adults perceive the presence of such risk factors—or if reactions to the death persist without significant improvement, a referral for mental health services may be indicated. Response to a death by suicide should not only include the immediate response, but also long-term follow-up and support.”

Addressing Mental Health Needs

Because suicide is often the result of untreated mental illness, addressing mental health needs is often the best way to try to prevent these tragedies. Many parents and teachers incorrectly believe that school-aged children are incapable of experiencing mental health conditions, but that’s simply not the case.

13% of children ages 8 to 15 experience a mental health condition.
50% of all lifetime cases of mental illness begin by age 14.
50% of children ages 8 to 15 experiencing a mental health condition don’t receive treatment.

In order to teach children about mental illness and encourage them to seek help, NAMI created NAMI Ending the Silence: free presentations available for students, school staff and families. These in-school presentations teach middle and high school students about the signs and symptoms of mental illness, how to recognize the early warning signs and the importance of acknowledging those warning signs. As one teacher noted in response to the program: “It is amazing what just one day, one talk, can do. You never really know what’s going on in the brain of any particular student.”

Although death and grief can have a profound impact on a school community, resources such as these can provide critical guidance and support for teachers and staff to help their students before and after a tragedy. Hopefully, one day, we won’t need these resources anymore.

Colleen O’Day is a Digital PR Manager and supports community outreach for 2U Inc.’s social work, mental health, and education programs. Find her on Twitter @ColleenMODay.

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/May-2018/How-Schools-Can-Help-Students-Respond-to-Suicide

The 7 Thought-Habits of Highly Self-Confident People

May 18, 2018/in Issues de Jour/by Marketing

Are there mental habits that will increase your self-confidence? Most definitely. You’ll read about 7 such powerful thinking habits below.

My last blog revealed the very best mental habit I know for building self-confidence: “The Daily Success Review.” This short and simple 3-minute procedure nudges you to tune into the little things you do right every day instead of over-focusing on what you think you did wrong. I have nicknamed this daily technique, “The Small-Success Review,” to counter the destructive mindset of thinking that only huge and dramatic successes and accomplishments really “count” when it comes to bolstering self-esteem.

In addition to the Small-Successes method, there are other ways to increase your self-confidence just by altering your mindset slightly. Of course, it is also important to practice behaviors that will increase your confidence and to learn to project self-confidence to others, and those will be the topics of upcoming blogs. This blog will spotlight the thinking activities you can do right now to build a self-esteem mindset. Below are 7 of my favorites:

1. Don’t worry if you don’t feel confident all the time. It sounds counter-intuitive, doesn’t it? But Dr. Alice Boyes, in her useful new book, The Healthy Mind Toolkit, describes her realization that she needs both self-confidence and self-doubt to do her best work. A little self-doubt can keep you humble enough to realize you may need to learn more or work harder at something. It may even give you the dogged determination to keep going and “show people what you’re made of.” Doubt, according to Boyes, “causes us to question what we’re doing, mentally prepares us to accept change, propels us to work harder or differently, and can lead to us taking more cooperative approaches in dealing with people who disagree with us.”

I love this reminder that your feelings of confidence will ebb and flow during the course of a day–or a lifetime—and that this fluctuation is normal. Not to worry!

2. Show compassion toward your Future Self. Caring for your Future Self could involve actions as small as filling up your gas tank this afternoon because you have a busy morning tomorrow and as far-sighted as exercising now for better health as you age. “I may not want to exercise,” you could say to yourself, “But my Future Self sure would appreciate it.” Inthis blog(link is external), habits guru Leo Babauta points out that people who don’t procrastinate are also likely to be people who want their Future Selves to be happy. Can you decide to be one of them?

3. Practice compassionate and realistic self-talk. Being able to realize when you are suffering, to comfort yourself, and to tell yourself that “tomorrow is another day,” will help you accept yourself even when you haven’t been able to handle yourself the way you would have preferred. Being supportive and kind to yourself when you have made mistakes will not only boost self-esteem; it will also boost your motivation and self-control, according to research cited by psychologist Kelly McGonigal in her book, The Willpower Instinct.

Some examples of compassionate self-talk:

“It’s true that you didn’t do as well as you wanted on the talk, but given that you didn’t feel well, you were a hero just to get through it.”
“Yes, you feel bad that you didn’t say NO to your friend’s request. Think of what you could say next time and put it in your mental file.”
“You don’t have to be perfect.”
“Don’t let it get you down. This too shall pass.”

4. Relabel “failures” as setbacks, challenges, opportunities, or learning experiences. Relabeling “failures” as “challenges,” for example, will immediately lower the level of stress hormones in your body. How could you meet this latest “challenge?” Changing one word can initiate a cascade of problem-solving thoughts. Analyzing past mistakes and setbacks may also improve your future performance, according to this research(link is external). Strike the ugly f-word “failure” from your mental vocabulary list! Practice enough, and you will develop a “growth mindset,” as psychologist Carol Dweck calls it.

Source: “Idea.” Image by Tumisu. Pixabay, CC0.

5. Don’t assume that other people know what you know. Own your expertise! This reminder is also from The Healthy Mind Toolkit by Alice Boyes. Do you know…the best places to find inexpensive clothing? Your city’s ordinances about trash, permits, and large-item pickups? The best restaurants for any occasion? Think about the times when people turn to you for information; your friends realize that you have numerous areas of expertise, both career-related and life-related.

6. Know your strengths. Think back on compliments and positive feedback from others. Notice how much you enjoy or dislike certain kinds of tasks. Take in the way you contributed to a situation and made it better. When you’ve had a success, mentally replay it again and again. Remembering and savoring positive feedback from others will help you internalize your strengths. Likewise, remembering other positive experiences will ingrain your special qualities into your brain. (Many readers have found this blog on “knowing yourself” a helpful way to focus on strengths.)

7. Remember your higher purpose and your meaningful values and goals. Reminding yourself of your most important values, goals, and life mission can give you more willpower, persistence, and self-confidence, according to considerable research. Your values keep you oriented to your “true north,” pointing to the core of who you are.

If nothing is working, and you feel prey to constant feelings of worthlessness or self-hatred, find a good therapist. Your therapist will help you challenge any deep-seated negative beliefs about yourself. Yes, therapy involves time, money, and work, but it’s worth it to improve your self-confidence. There’s a lot of truth in this quote by Maxwell Maltz: “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on.”

References

McGonigal, K. (2012). The Willpower Instinct. (NY: Avery), p. 148.

Boyes, A. (2018) The Healthy Mind Toolkit. (NY: Tarcher), p. 66, 205, 206.

Babauta, L. “Two Simple Habits of Non-Procrastinators.”

By Meg Selig

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201805/the-7-thought-habits-highly-self-confident-people

Ensuring Your Child Is Supported At School

May 16, 2018/in Academic Struggles/by Marketing

At least 1 in 5 school-aged children is affected by a mental health condition. The two most common conditions among children and adolescents are anxiety followed by depression, but children can have other difficulties that affect their ability to fully take part in and benefit from their classroom experiences. These include attention deficit-hyperactivity, autism spectrum disorder and eating disorders.

Many children can also suffer from emotional reactions to the strain of learning issues, medical illness, family financial struggles, personal problems or other stressors. While not all mental health problems directly affect students’ academic or school functioning, many do, and schools can help.

If your child’s mental health condition is affecting their functioning at school, your first step should be to identify their condition with either a mental health professional or pediatrician and present this diagnostic information to the school.

With younger children (grades K-5), it may make sense to start with your child’s classroom teacher, while with middle or high school students, it’s usually best to start with the school’s health and wellness specialist. Virtually all public and private schools have at least one person who handles student mental health concerns—generally a guidance counselor, social worker, nurse or psychologist. And keep in mind that by law, schools are required to offer some level of accommodation to students with mental health needs; the nature and extent of that support will depend on your child’s particular condition and the resources at the school’s disposal. Your child’s school may have more resources than you might imagine, depending, of course, on your child’s age, condition and particular school setting.

Your next step will be to call a meeting with that designated specialist—or, if the issues have risen to a significant level, with a broader team that includes teachers and other school personnel.

Most parents get nervous meeting with school officials when their child is having behavioral or emotional problems. To support your best state of mind, consider having your child’s other parent or another close relative accompany you to the meeting. If your child is working with a mental health professional, see whether it’s possible to invite this person to the meeting as well. It can be extremely helpful to have an objective observer/expert/advocate with you!

Your partnership with the school is a key ingredient in ensuring that your child receives the support he or she needs. So, here are some tips for forging an effective alliance:

1. Be honest, direct and specific. Most school personnel will respond with compassion and eagerness to help if they understand what is happening with your child and feel you are leveling with them. If you are vague, or appear to be holding back information, it will be harder for them to understand, and they may be less sympathetic.

1. Ask questions about what teachers are seeing at school. Don’t assume they’re seeing what you see at home. Some children hold it together all day and then melt down as soon as they get home. Conversely, some children seem fine at home but can be disruptive, distracted or unhappy in classroom environments. Ask your child’s teachers about how your child presents at school. Don’t assume you know the whole story any more than you would assume they know the whole story.

1. If you’re not sure where the best resources are within your child’s school, request to attend a staff meeting. Talking in-person with the group of players who can support your child is often more effective than sending long, detailed email messages or chatting over the phone with a single faculty or staff member.

Know the law regarding special education support. If your child’s teachers, counselor and other staff are not able to accommodate your child in a supportive way (or if you want to make sure the school system will continue to do so from year-to-year), request an evaluation to see whether your child qualifies for special education services. Under the Americans with Disabilities Education Act, or IDEA, mental illness is grounds for “special education” needs in public schools systems provided they interfere with your child’s ability to make expected academic progress. Even students whose mental health needs do not meet the criteria for IDEA may be entitled to more modest accommodations under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act.

There are few parenting experiences more difficult than seeing your child in emotional distress. It can be hard to think straight, and hard to believe that other adults will understand, care enough or know what to do. But your child’s teacher, guidance counselor or principal has likely encountered other students with similar issues and most educators would be naturally inclined to accommodate, include and support your child. And it’s their job to do so. Your job is to enlist their help.

Deborah Offner is a clinical psychologist, school consultant, and former dean of students at a Boston, Massachusetts high school. In her adolescent psychology practice in Newton, Massachusetts, she works directly with students and their parents. She also consults to school and college counselors as well as faculty, school leadership, and parent groups about student wellness and emotional health. Learn more about Dr. Offner at www.deborahoffnerphd.com.

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/May-2018/Ensuring-Your-Child-is-Supported-at-School

Learning To Change In Order To Heal

May 11, 2018/in Academic Struggles/by Marketing

I was 21 years old and living in France. I had just graduated from college and was living near Paris when the symptoms began. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I had never heard of mental illness; I did not think mental health existed. All I knew was that I couldn’t control what I was feeling.

I couldn’t sleep; yet, I also couldn’t get out of bed. I just wanted to stay in the dark with the covers pulled over my head. I became highly sensitive to light and sound. I thought people who approached me were going to strike me, because I was bad and deserved to be hit. Nothing made sense.

I felt as though I was wearing a lead cloak. The weight of it was crushing, as was the sense of guilt and shame I felt for a failed relationship. Waves of panic would wash over me. I was positive I was being persecuted. This person from my past was going to find me and kill me—I was sure of it. Sometimes I felt as though I was floating above myself, watching myself. I would later learn that this was a severe sign of mental illness called dissociation.

I came back to the U.S. for urgent medical treatment. I was diagnosed with major depression and schizoaffective disorder, a condition characterized by a disconnect from reality which accounted for the paranoid delusions.

The diagnosis of depression caught me by surprise. I never saw it coming because I was completely ignorant about mental illness, as was everyone else in my life. Sure, I had been sad for a long time. I had immigrated to the U.S. at the age of 13. I did not adjust well as I just didn’t know how to make new friends. So I kept to myself, with my nose in the books.

I thought I would go through my entire life like that, feeling lonely and disconnected. For me, this was normal. It never occurred to me to ask for help because I didn’t think I had a problem. I just bottled up my emotions. But after eight years, it all came out in a dramatic implosion while I was in France.

My psychiatrist put me on an antipsychotic and an antidepressant, which worked to relieve my physical symptoms. But the emotional wounds took years to heal.

I went to therapy twice a week. I had a lot to say to my therapist and psychiatrist—things I never thought I could tell anyone else, because I didn’t think there was anyone I could count on. I trusted no one even though I had a support system and a caring family. I didn’t notice my support system, which is a big distinction. I still felt all alone.

Therapy saved my life. My therapist told me that many of the belief systems I had grown up with and internalized were not correct and were, in fact, hurting me. I had to be willing to accept that I may be wrong. I had to change.

For therapy to work, you have to be open to change. You have to accept that your way of thinking may be wrong and that your beliefs may be what is making you sick. You have to change your ways to make healthier choices if you are going to get better. I am proud to say that I changed.

In addition to therapy, I also needed (and still need) to take medication every day (and for the rest of my life). I will always have a chemical imbalance in my brain, and I am grateful for the medicines that exist to correct it. At first, I struggled with this dependency. I didn’t want to be dependent on medications. I didn’t want to depend on anything. But my blind psychologist taught me about dependency.

“Listen,” she told me. “There is nothing wrong with dependency. I cannot even pick out my own clothes or drive myself to work.” She had an assistant who did that. “I have this dog to lead my around.” She had a Seeing Eye Dog.

“I must depend on this dog and my driver to get me to work. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to do much. I depend on them and that is not a bad thing.” I started to see how by accepting her dependencies, my doctor was able to not only work, but be a very effective therapist. And her acceptance of her dependencies helped me accept mine.

I never again want to feel the way I felt in the throes of my depression, so I take my medication religiously and attend to my emotional health diligently. I do the work to take care of myself. But I don’t otherwise think about my mental illness, or, until recently, talk about it.

Even though I have been living with my mental health condition for 20 years, I only recently learned about NAMI and their resources when doing some online research. I signed on to be trained for their presentation programs and have become a speaker in the NAMI Ending the Silence and NAMI In Our Own Voice educational programs.

The more I talk about my mental health conditions, the less I fear other people’s judgement and the more I realize the power my example may offer to others. I feel I am making a meaningful impact. The more visible examples of people living well with mental health conditions, the less the associated stigma will be and the more people will be willing to get help early.

I don’t know if I am unique, but I don’t feel limited in any way by my mental health condition. I lead a full life. So, I have moved on to the next phase of my recovery: advocacy. I’d like to be an example of how a diagnosis of mental illness does not have to be devastating. It can be a turning point to a better, self-examined life.

After recovering from a major mental breakdown at the age of 21, Melisma Cox earned two master’s degrees and served as a Fulbright Scholar.

Preventing A Generation From Struggling In Silence

May 9, 2018/in Academic Struggles/by Marketing

We all know that education is incredibly important for a child’s development. But did you know that the time between toddlerhood and the teenage years (also known as “middle childhood”) is actually the best period for learning? According to anthropologist Benjamin Campbell, the human brain during this time is “organized enough to attempt mastery, yet still fluid, elastic, neuronally gymnastic. “In other words, the brain is developed enough to understand information and absorbent enough to retain it—often for life.

Some parents capitalize on this time by teaching their child a second language, while schools teach the dangers of drugs and alcohol or the benefits of healthy eating and exercise. Kids in middle childhood are fed a great deal of information in the hopes of teaching them life skills and healthy habits while their brains are ripe for learning.

But a critical piece is missing from all this information, something that many parents don’t know how to teach their kids, something that isn’t part of most school’s curricula: mental health.

We cannot forget about mental health. Parents, teachers, all of us should focus on providing youth with the resources and information they need to get help if they are experiencing mental health issues or having thoughts of suicide. To do that, we need resources like NAMI Ending the Silence.

What We Learn Becomes Who We Are

NAMI Ending the Silence (NAMI ETS) is a free, 50-minute presentation/program that helps middle and high school students understand mental illness. The program teaches them common warning signs and when, where and how to get help for themselves or their friends. “We’re just trying to prepare young people so they know that they can talk to somebody about what they are feeling and reach out to a trusted adult for help,” says NAMI ETS Program Manager Jennifer Rothman. “Educating students about what mental health conditions are, what they look like and what kind of symptoms you might see is the key to prevention and early intervention.”

Early intervention is essential to improving long-term outcomes for young people with serious mental illness. Once a student, administrator or family member viewing this presentation learns how to spot the warning signs of psychosis or other severe symptoms, they will know what it is and how to intervene.

The program also helps young people become more understanding and empathetic toward those who struggle with mental illness. During the presentation, they hear the reality of what having a mental health condition is like directly from a young adult with lived experience. By teaching kids to be more empathetic, we are building a generation wherein stigma will lose its power.

Take, for example, an excerpt from a student’s thank-you letter to her class’s NAMI ETS presenters:

“Your presentation had a huge impact on us, and that’s not something that happens often with high schoolers and guest speakers. Personally, I cannot relate, and I am grateful to currently not have any mental illnesses. But my friend has been dealing with depression and it is usually under control, but she goes through periods of time where it gets worse, and she feels like no one is there for her. I’ve tried to do my best to help her, but I had no idea what it was like to feel that way. Thank you for giving me perspective on how horrible these issues can be, and what to do when these situations arise.”

This is why NAMI Ending the Silence should be more accessible and widespread—so millions of teenagers will know how to help themselves and their loved ones now and in the future. NAMI has been expanding this vital program nationwide with the help of Tipper Gore, a former second lady of the U.S., who gifted NAMI $1 million to support this effort.

Proving Why Students Need NAMI ETS

Getting NAMI Ending the Silence into schools can sometimes be a daunting process, which is why in 2015, NAMI started the research needed to apply to the National Registry of Evidence-Based Programs and Practices (NREPP) with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Rothman explains that when programs have a designation as an evidence-based practice (EBP), it “shows that the program has validity and actually works.”

To achieve the goal of gaining EBP status, NAMI conducted studies throughout 2016. In the first study, 10 schools from five different areas of the U.S. participated. Altogether, 932 students took a three-part survey measuring their knowledge and attitudes related to mental illness. Half of the students then viewed NAMI ETS, while the other half did not. The results found that knowledge and attitudes improved for the NAMI ETS group and stayed elevated weeks after the presentation. The non-NAMI ETS group stayed the same.

These results were consistent across different studies, different presenters and different schools, and among the diverse populations within those schools. The studies suggest that NAMI ETS is consistently effective in improving students’ knowledge and attitudes about mental health conditions and in recognizing help-seeking behaviors. With these impressive results, NAMI has completed its application to NREPP and is awaiting a reply in 2018.

Making An Impact

If we fail to teach the younger generations about mental health, they may struggle alone rather than talk to people who can help them. They may feel ashamed for what they experience rather than know it’s not their fault. They may even take their lives.

Suicide is the third-leading cause of death for people aged 10–14 and the second leading cause of death for people aged 15–24. We cannot ignore these facts, so we must better equip students with the tools needed to ask for help.

And rather than have a mental health specialist come in and talk to students post-tragedy—as is often the case in communities around the nation—NAMI ETS aims to prevent these tragedies from happening at all. With NAMI Ending the Silence, we are working to prevent a generation from struggling in silence.

By Laura Greenstein

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/May-2018/Preventing-a-Generation-from-Struggling-in-Silence