Practicing Mindful Sex

Feeling alone …

You find yourself scrolling through social media and before you know it, you find yourself “doomsturbating“—doomscrolling while masturbating. This outcome is not too much different than other self-soothing activities we tend to find ourselves doing while stressed, anxious, depressed, lonely, or just plain old bored.

How about watching TV while mindless eating? You may find yourself eating past your comfort level and making choices that contribute to feelings of guilt and shame. By incorporating mindfulness, it helps one to fully enjoy pleasure in the moment in activities whether it be eating chocolate or having sex. Mindfulness is about being fully present.

Mindfulness can offer a wonderful sense of freedom when practicing mindful-sex. Have you ever experienced anxiety before, during, or after sex? What is it like to have sex with a partner(s) when you are pre-occupied and insecure about your body, orgasms, or overall performance? Biological, psychological social/ environmental and cultural factors are all important aspects that affect sexual health.

Sexual relationships struggle when they are impacted by feeling detached, preoccupied, unsatisfied, or even numb to pleasure. What would it be like to feel mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually connected while having sex?

Many individuals that seek help for relationship concerns, especially around intimacy and sex often struggle with communication. Sex and sexuality are important aspects of what makes us human. Good communication can lead to sexual satisfaction and improved mental health. Communication and consent are vital to practicing mindful, hot sex.

No matter your “relationship status”, I challenge you to treat yourself to pleasure. It does not need to be sexual, although if you choose to have mindful sex, prepare yourself for something even better than chocolate!

Here are Steps to Get Started:

• Set aside an intentional time to practice mindful sex.

• Enjoy a multi-sensory experience. Indulge the senses with sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch.

• Be fully present to experience the moment rather than focus on performance.

• Practicing loving and nurturing yourself. Learn first how to be comfortable with and in your body. Discover new erogenous zones.

• Increase your comfort level to communicate. Talk to your partner(s) about what you want.

Finally, do not be afraid to talk to your therapist about your sexual health concerns. Yes, it is OK to talk about sex in therapy! Not only is it OK, but it is also encouraged.

Written By: Charlotte Johnson, MA, LPCC

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