Tag Archive for: Self-Harm

How to Respond to Self Harm

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Have you ever looked at someone and noticed a series of scars on their wrists? Did you make a face or pass judgement about that person without knowing who they are or what they’re going through? Likely.

Of the many symptoms of mental health conditions, self-harm is one of the least understood and least sympathized. It’s also one of the few physically visible symptoms. Therefore, it’s often responded to in a way that’s derogatory and potentially harmful. For example:

“That’s just teenage angst.”

“Why would anyone do that to themselves?”

“You’re just trying to get attention.”

These reactions grossly undermine how serious self-harm is. Self-Harm is usually a sign that a person is struggling emotionally and isn’t sure how to cope. It’s a sign that a person needs support, understanding and professional help. Most importantly, it’s a sign that shouldn’t be ignored or judged.

Your Initial Response

It can be shocking to notice a person’s self-harm scars. Your instinct may be to stare or immediately express shock. But self-harm is a sensitive topic that should be approached in a certain way.

Whether you know the person or not, it is essential not to display shock or horror even if that’s how you feel. Don’t say anything that could shame them or make them feel judged or foolish. You don’t want to draw attention to their scars, especially in public.

If the person is a close friend or family member, don’t ignore what you’ve seen. Wait until you are with them in private, and then talk to them about what you noticed.

Having A Meaningful Conversation

The most important part of talking to someone about self-harm is to frame the conversation in a supportive and empathetic way. Show concern for their well-being and be persistent if they don’t open up right away. When having a conversation about self-harm, consider the following do’s and don’ts:

Do:

  • Show compassion
  • Respect what the person is telling you, even if you don’t understand it
  • Stay emotionally neutral
  • Listen, even if it makes you uncomfortable
  • Encourage them to use their voice, rather than their body as a means of self-expression
  • Encourage them to seek mental health care

Don’t:

  • Pity them
  • Joke about it
  • Guilt them about how their actions affect others
  • Give ultimatums
  • Remind them how it looks or what people will think
  • Make assumptions

Continuing Support

After that first conversation, it’s important to follow-up with your loved one to show your ongoing support. If they have not sought out care, continue to ask about it and offer to help them find a mental health professional.

You can also offer to help identify their self-harm triggers. You can do this by asking questions like: “What were you doing beforehand?” “Was there anything that upset you or stressed you out that day?” If a person is more aware of their triggers, it could help prevent future self-injury. Assisting your loved one find and practice healthier coping mechanisms is also a great way to help.

Self-harm is a serious issue that should be addressed as soon as you find out it’s happening. Keep in mind that one of the best things you can instill in a person who is self-harming is that you are there for them and that you care about them. You can always be helpful to someone even if you don’t understand what they’re going through.

 

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March is Self Harm Awareness

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Understanding Self-Harm

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Self-harm is difficult to understand because it goes against the natural human instinct of self-preservation. Maybe that’s why some people react to it in a negative, judgmental way. They can’t imagine ever being in a state of mind where they would hurt themselves, so they can’t understand why anyone else would.

This lack of understanding can lead to insensitivity and stigma towards people who are often already struggling with serious emotional turmoil. Self-harm is usually a sign that a person is having a tough time coping with their emotions. It’s frequently “used” as a coping mechanism for unmanageable mental health symptoms, although the experts don’t completely understand why some might self-medicate with drugs or alcohol, while others self-harm.

Several mental health conditions are associated with self-harming behaviors, including borderline personality disorder, depression, eating disorders, anxiety or posttraumatic distress disorder. People experiencing these conditions might self-harm for one or more of the following reasons:

  • To help manage unbearable emotions and symptoms
  • To help regain a sense of feeling (for those experiencing numbness)
  • To help relieve stress and pressure
  • To help feel in control
  • To reenact a trauma in an attempt to resolve it
  • To protect others from emotional pain

Any person can self-harm, but the largest percentage of people who engage in these type behaviors are teenagers (17.2%) and young adults (13.4%). According to psychologist Dr. Jennifer Muehlenkamp, “Those are the key ages because youth are experiencing multiple changes at the same time. They’re becoming more independent and transitions such as from junior high into high school or to college creates a lot of change. There’s a lot of new stress and pressures.”

What Should I Do?

Self-harm seems to provide some level of relief from emotional pain, and can become addictive. Like alcohol and other drugs, self-harm is a behavior that a person might feel they need increasingly more of to feel the same effect. It could also lead to other self-destructive coping mechanisms. So, if you or someone you know self-harms, here are a few first steps you can take to change this behavior.

Seek Treatment

Self-harm is a serious mental health symptom that requires evaluation and treatment. If you are having difficulty coping with intense emotions without the use of self-harm, consider talking with a mental health professional about one of the following treatment methods:

  • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) focuses on recognizing negative thought patterns and increasing coping skills.
  • Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) helps a person learn positive coping methods.
  • Psychodynamic therapy identifies how negative behaviors have been caused or influenced by past experiences and unresolved feelings.

Practice Positive Coping Mechanisms

It’s helpful to understand what triggers you (or your loved one) to self-harm. That way, you can implement healthy coping mechanisms to manage those triggers. Some examples are:

  • Direct the urge at something else – Use a punching bag, scream into a pillow or rip up a magazine
  • Self-soothe – Take deep breaths, take a bath or try meditation
  • Express yourself – Write how you feel or write creatively
  • Create something – Paint, draw or craft
  • Focus on music – Listen to your favorite song or play an instrument
  • Exercise – Run, dance or just go for a walk
  • Avoid alcohol and drugs – Substances can lower your self-control and increase risk of self-injury

Self-harm is a challenging mental health symptom to overcome—and lack of understanding only makes it that much more difficult to work through. When it comes to serious mental health symptoms like self-harm, we need to show others and ourselves compassion rather than judgement. There is no shame in needing support and help.