Going from Good to Great When You Are Not OK

How often do you get asked, “How are you?” and the polite go-to response is “I’m fine” or “good” thank you. How are you? These phrases are common greetings in the United States but seem to lack much depth. Does the other person truly care about how I am doing? When everyone around me says that they are fine, am I allowed to share a bit about how I am feeling? There is power in naming our emotions, but it can seem like there are few places where it is socially accepted to do so outside of therapy. The generic go-to responses let others know that you are “OK”, without ever truly getting to the heart of how one is doing.

It is heartbreaking to hear stories of people who have been telling themselves they are “fine” as the stressors of life build up and who are suffering in silence. Then the wave of “too much too soon” hits and despair sets in. It is a shock to the system to learn about attempts or completed suicide. In a culture where everyone says they are good; it is obvious that we are not OK.

According to a CNN mental health poll, 90% of Americans feel that the United States is facing a mental health crisis and believe that individuals, families, and health care providers should be actively involved in playing a role to help address mental health concerns. More than 1 in 5 adults live with mental illness and over a third of the population is impacted by significant stressors. Personal finances, politics, personal relationships, and work are identified as major sources of stress.

We all cope the best we can, and reaching out for help can be very difficult. Maladaptive ways of coping such as substance use may seem to provide temporary relief to stressors but are not effective in the long-term and can worsen the situation. It is courageous to reach out and admit that you are not OK. We were not meant to go through life in isolation. Help is available.

For those who are “fine”, it can be helpful to take a pause and check in and notice what you are experiencing. How does this show up in your mind and body? Perhaps you are taking good care of yourself. What would it look like to take great care? Perhaps your relationships are good. What would it look like to form more deep, meaningful connections? We all need each other, and there are opportunities to support your friends, family, and colleagues. Familiarize yourself with local and national resources such as the 988 lifeline and please take care of yourself.

In addition:

• Take time to connect with those who are part of your life. There are opportunities to show care and concern in intentional ways.
• Create space to check in with each other’s well-being. Slow down and be present. Listen to understand.
• Notice, name, and share your emotions. Check in with yourself and allow yourself to become more vulnerable with safe people in your life.
• Reach out for professional support to address mental health. Therapy can help provide strategies to cope and valuable resources as you are navigating life.
• Engage in random acts of kindness. Focusing on kindness towards others can make you feel happier and reduce the stress you are experiencing.
• Connect to community. We were not meant to go through difficult times alone.

Written By: Charlotte Johnson, MA, LPCC